Sunday, November 7, 2010
Day 20: Person who broke my heart the most...not thru love...thru words
Dear Butterflies (not gonna put a picture),
We werent in love, we werent extremely serious but we had some months under our belt. I was smitten by you. You were everything I thought I wanted in a man and you were definitely easy on the eyes. I called you butterflies because thats how you made me feel when I saw you or thought about you. We could talk and laugh for hours. I really thought we would last. THEN I made a mistake. I didnt cheat, I didnt hit you.....I danced at a pool party. I told you about it the day it happened and even sent you the link. You claimed you didnt care and it didnt bother you....I believed you. Nothing changed between us and we got a little more serious. You knew about the show and although you werent in love with the idea you supported my decision. You never wanted to know about my drama because you cared about who YOU saw and you liked ME.
Then....the show aired.
Everything about you changed. That strong man I thought you were disappeared. You started caring about other peoples opinions and not your own. You told me you liked me but you couldnt be associated with me. Ive NEVER had anyone flip on me so fast and turn their back on me so sharply. I didnt lose the love of my life but my heart cracked. I had never had someone say such mean things over SKYPE...yes SKYPE let alone to my face. Then you mentioned your mother. I got that part. Your mom probably wouldnt have had many nice things to say about me but I do believe she wouldve ended up realizing that everyone makes mistakes and respected that fact that I learned from it. I know your career is everything to you but its nothing when you have no one to share it with. I still watch your meets, I still see your blogs, and I still wish you the best. I just hope you never fall off that high horse youre on because if you do...reality is gonna slap you dead in your face and you will miss what you once had.
Through our deep conversations about things you never spoke to anyone about to the wrestling matches on the floor I dont regret meeting you and I dont regret our times. For 3 months we had fun but what you said to me is STILL in my heart and its hard to heal. I didnt love you, I liked you a lot but those words were sharp and they cut deeper than ANYTHING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME. I dont judge anyone, and I always take people for who they are....mistakes and all. I know you and I know this letter probably wont phase you, but it feels good to get it out....even tho a lot im keeping in.