Sunday, November 29, 2009
Ive been thinking alot lately about my life and how much its been changed at the hands of others. Im going to pour it out right now cuz its some things that need to be said.
My whole life my parents reared me to be a free-standing spirit. Independent, intelligent, strong, opinionated and successful. When I went to College I was a Virgin to everything. Id never been to a black school nor had I ever had a Boyfriend. I wasnt allowed to date till I graduated because in my parents minds "Having a boyfriend is not a requirement to graduate!". I was never involved in all the parties or all the drama because I was never around to be "in it". I was in dance, competitive cheerleading, gymnastics, piano, and school. I had friends and I was popular for being Royce...the good girl. For the past 10 years Ive been asking myself what happened because from my knowledge I was the same Royce. Yea I had a boyfriend, matter of fact ive had 5 since 1998. All 5 played a strong part in my life and add 1 minor relationship and they are the only people ive ever "been with". Yea I just put myself out there. I lost my virginity at 20. Thats a whole different story and I didnt add that situation in my numbers. I never knew with sex came drama. Its almost like I was opened up to a whole different realm of life. I was now subject to ridicule and hate. I got the man, this girl wanted, or that girls ex. Orrrrr, Im now a whore because I turned this guy down, or didnt give him my number. Isnt that an oxymoron??? My 1st Boyfriend was killed in a car accident, my 2nd was the 1 that turned into one of my best friends, my 3rd I got into 2 fights over because he was 1 of the HEART Throbs in school that everyone swore I was gonna marry. The 4th one turned psycho and thought i was cheating on him with a gay guy who was in the play "Dreamgirls" we were rehearsing for. I was now having to fight off rumors of being with this dude or that dude and at 1 point some1 said they heard I was a lesbian. WOW! Funny huh... but that was College. That was the 1st time Id ever been labeled negatively and I was soooo ready to graduate I ran across the stage when they called my name 1st...yea really...its on tape. Those rumors never really went anywhere long since ppl KNEW ME but I guess it was fun for chicks to spread mess because it made them feel better...oh well. Then I went back to my 3rd...and that would last a few more years on and off till I met my 5th...Number 5 has changed my life the most...in good and bad ways. I cant speak too much on this 1 but I loved him. Too much some might say. Number 5 is the reason I say your life can be changed...I thought i left the childishness in College...little did I know it was just getting started...Now I was about to take on a different realm of females and dudes...called Haters!....Life...
Again, how did I go from being a diamond in the rough to someone ppl have made up all these rumors about. Apparently, Im supposed to brush it off and not read things posted about me but Im human. I take my reputation seriously and it hurts so bad to see all these false accusations made about me. It makes me so sad, angry, and hurt that sometimes I just scream or go off. I know most things that are posted are from people who just get mad to see their crush with someone. So then, they get online and come up with the most random stories or try to make up something that could SEEM to be true to make the 2 involved think and question each other. Misery loves company and I fall for it everytime. Im sure alot of the ppl who started these lies are reading this and are smiling right now but like Ive said before and the quote I try to live by "Never plot against some1 tht God has his hands on! I never hav 2fight my own battles.He does it 4me!". Karma is REAL & I cant fix a house I didnt build! If you are that miserable and that hateful that you have to ruin my reputation and make up all these things about me, its not saying much about u. Not that you should care but I have a 2yr old to raise as a single mother because YOU were unhappy with someones choice. You took it in your own hands to spread lies thru the internet that it the new root of all evil. Now theres alot of hatred in my heart for someone i once loved due to many instances that were caused by drama. But its over so you can stop. The fork in the road? Different paths were chosen and nothing ever said those roads ever meet again because last I check they went totally different ways. I have moved on and I am dating someone new that knows the REAL ROYCE and knows that i am NOTHING of what your internet devils have tried to make me out to be. So yea, you hurt me, you made me cry, you made me feel like I wasnt worth much, you made me lose someone i really did love and wouldve gone thru hell and stood on the sun for but im human...Im also Gods Child tho... So I will say this...You may win by hindsight...you may win by material things, but eventually your heart will catch up to you and you will feel horrible about ruining something God had his hands on but the Devil let you and anyone else who made up, spread, reposted, listened to and didnt stand up for or defend tear apart. Its not about being fair, thats childish. Its not about doing whats right or wrong. Its about you. I wake up everyday a little less hurt because I have someone who truly cares about me and wont leave me because of something someone says to him or something he reads. I wake up everyday a little less hurt because I know God has his hands on me and although i dont go to Church everyday he knows I kneel everynight and when things get to hard I turn to him and not against him. I used to think "why me?" Now I know it WAS ME because Im strong enuf to handle it and I deserve the best and My son deserves the best. Despite the lies you continue to spread and the evil you still possess Im still standing.