Monday, November 1, 2010

Day 15: Person I miss the most...

This one is really hard. Bare with me...


Despite what I found out after you were gone, I know who I MET and who I MISS.

We met on my 18th Birthday at FAMU. I was in BIONR for Biology majors who were looking into Pre-Med (We see I ended up following my #1 dream NOT #2...still love the kids tho) and you were a part of the Black Male Explorers. Your smile, & your laugh was contagious. When we first started talking it was as friends and you told me EVERYTHING! I remember the movie moments when you sung to me while playing the piano with me sitting on the top lol. I remember our long walks around campus. Over the next few months you became my 1st REAL boyfriend. You never asked me for more than a kiss and you never tried to receive anything else either. You were so respectful & so sweet. When the summer was over you wrote and mailed me letters every week. I still have all of them. Although you wrote extremely tiny and in ALL CAPS you had great handwriting for a dude, & I still read them every now and then lol....

A year later we broke up (you cheated of course lol) but you were honest, admitted it & we still remained friends. You still wrote and you told me about your exes, your currents, the good and the bad. I told you when you were wrong and when you were right. I was like your Home-girl lol. Regardless, Im happy we stayed close. I still have the voicemail you left singing "I Love You" on my answering machine. You were and always will be special. After all you were my 1st boyfriend...who never became my 1st lol.

Two months before your accident I remember you visiting FAMU with your boys. Yall laughed about the way you all drove and I told all of you it wasnt funny. I remember saying that it was dangerous and someone could get killed. I then remember that morning when I spoke to you for all of 5-10 minutes. It was so normal, so real. I called you that answer. I believe I left a message. The next morning I got a phone call...
"Hey Royce"
"Not much, what you been up to?"
"Nothin just chillin"
"Oh, did you hear about Deshawn yesterday?"
"No,I havent talked to him since yesterday morning, why?"
"What time?
"Like before they went to work or something I think, why?"
"Oh, he was killed in a car accident yesterday morning..."

Just like that. No sympathy from the person who told me. He said it like he was telling me you got a new puppy. I cried for days. To the point I lost my voice. I couldnt understand it. I wanted to know why. You had so much going for you. When I saw the article online from the newspaper I got angry. I wish I'd stayed on the phone with you longer that morning. I think about your mom and your family. I think about your kids who will never know their father. I know forgiveness is key but its a lesson Im still learning. I couldnt go to the funeral. I couldnt get the strength or courage. I miss your ass so much. Your voice, your jokes, your laugh. YOU! It's not fair but I understand its life and it was JUST YOUR TIME. I dream about you on occassion and every blue moon I drive down that street in Ft Lauderdale & cry. You are in a better place and Im sure youre singing your heart out! Like you used to say "Till the sun turns purple" we will always be here for each other. Keep lookin down on me!

Lil Head, Peanut head, Line-4-a-lip,

I wouldve posted the 1 with u smiling but u had those "THINGS" in your head so I wont :o)~

1 comment:

Lori said...

Girl, this brought me to tears.. its hard reliving some of these things through the writing.. but I think its necessary.. *hugs*