Day 2: My Crush

Merlin,

From the day I saw you, I knew it would never be more than a crush but I somehow enjoyed pretending you were mine since Middle School. The way you smiled, the way you spoke, to the way you dressed. It was something about your demeanor. Something about the aura you gave off. Something about you. I found myself believing that I wasnt just another girl, but that somehow if you ever met ME, Id be the one. Then I realized every girl felt that way. "If he just met me 1 time", "If he just saw me and we had eye contact", "If he knew I existed, He'd see how cool I was.". Hahaha. WOW at how I thought I was the perfect 1 and the only 1 who felt that way.

Then it happened. After I grew up and thought crushes were meant for those "Teenagers". I was too OLD to crush now! My mind was on my books, my career, and success. Little did I know, that Middle School CRUSH was still buried deep down in my soul. BUT...THEN...I met you. FAMU 2001. So random but it happened. Did I think it was fate? No. I had a man lol.
A drop dead gorgeous man at that(talk about him in a later blog...back to the regularly scheduled program) Ahem...
I didnt force myself in your eye sight, I sat there and ate my wings. When I realized you were enjoying the attention of the "ladies" I came to the conclusion that you were a playboy & I rolled my eyes. I wasn't gonna be THAT GIRL. Hell, I just wanted to say hello...I think... I then got up with my girl Kia and walked out. Someone yelled "Aye!", I looked back yelled "B", & kept it movin. About 10 minutes later you walked out on the set & sat next to me right in front of the TV Room. You asked my name, & I gave it. You asked if I had a "dude" & I said yes. You said you respected that, got up, shook my hand and started walkin away. My heart dropped...Then you turned around & smiled at me. Why I felt the need to throw up I dont know but I managed to smile back. THAT was it. But I felt something. I waited by the phone, then realized I never gave you my number. You did however find my AOL Instant Messenger. "Aye, dis you? From Fam? Its Merlin.". Luckily it was me or some random chick now had your info lol...Ill never forget the day we started Instant Messenging. It was like I didnt know how to write anymore. I took forever just to figure out a way to say Hello. When I did write "Whats up" you had already signed off. Then you came back on and we had an hour conversation. Never once did either of us bring up our relationships, dating or even a crush for that matter. It was just comfortable and deep down I couldnt help but feel like I did years before "If he only met me, he'd see how cool I was.". I knew I was right. But the chance never came for me to express my true feelings because months later you were called for too early. You were Definitely Gone TOO SOON.

R.I.P. (My Crush)
Merlin Santana

1976-2002