Random Thoughts...

You know...
Its weird how some days I can feel so in control of my life and then others I just melt down. Its really hard being a single mother and as much as I love my son I need my breaks just like anyone else. I feel so bad sometimes when I say that because I love each and every moment I spend with him but with me trying to start this new company since the Dance Studio had to close Im always stressed. I find myself lashing out alot or just being mean sometimes. I dont do it on purpose but when your life seems to never slow down you start losing yourself. Theres also the saying "Misery loves company" and omg it is sooo true. I find myself caring about what people say and letting their words get to me when all theyre trying to do is bring me down. That being said theres another saying "When they stop talking is when you need to worry" and thats the one I want to believe in. As long as my name is in peoples mouths that means Im doing something right enough to make them envious of me. Therefore keep talkin ish youre makin me famous and I LOVE IT! With that epiphany, however, I now have some help and its truly a blessing! A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im able to Live and Love unconditionally without the stress and worrying about drama! Im definitely human and Ive definitely made some mistakes in my life or decisions I may not not have repeated had I known the way they wouldve turned out but not one of those mistakes or decisions I question have ANYTHING to do with my son. I will never question Gods Gift nor will I question the trials and obstacles he puts me through. I believe all the stress, drama, tears, screams, fights, etc were ways on testing me and my faith. Will I always kneel or will I walk away? I made a promise a year and a half ago that I will live through him. No, Im not perfect and no I have not completely lived these past months strictly through him but thats the point. Im not God! Im not supposed to be Him. Im supposed to be Royce and try my hardest and with that pleasing myself, my son, and my God. I am trying. I fall sometimes but a Saint is just a sinner who fell down and GOT UP! So Im gonna always get up, Im gonna always stand! It make take a few hours, days, weeks, even months but I will stand and I will be proud of myself and walk with my head held high when I do it.