My Decisions, My Life!

VH1 Blog!

2010-12-13T23:19:00.005-05:00

Hey Everyone!

Im sure you caught the premiere of the new season of Basketball Wives! Make sure you check out my blog on VH1.com called Royce Reed's Recaps! Copy and Paste this link to see the blog & feel free to comment and let me know what you think:

http://blog.vh1.com/2010-12-13/royce-reeds-recaps-basketball-wives-season-2-episode-1/

Day 24: Person who gave me my favorite memory

2010-12-04T23:33:00.005-05:00

WOW...this is a hard one...Im probably gonna have to saaaayyyyyy

Traci...

Girl, from the day I met you till now I always say that if it werent for you I wouldnt be where I am dance-wise today. I remember trying to figure out if I liked you or not because it seemed like you were so damn picky. Now I realize it was for a reason. You saw something in me that I didnt see in myself. You saw my passion, my love, and my talent to be a great dancer. I never thought about auditioning for the NBA until my last year dancing with Mahogany Dance Theatre at FAMU. You had me doing things I didnt think was possible and I appreciate you for believing in me more than I believed in myself. Now for the favorite memory part...

After I saw you in Houston at Allstars and we had THE TALK, I met your coach, and saw yall dance I deep down knew I wanted a change but didnt know if I was good enough. For 6 months I contemplated whether or not I was going to return to the Magic or audition for the Heat. You gave me so much hope and drive that I finally got the courage up to tell my Magic coach and my teammates I wasnt returning. I had and will always have so much love and respect for the Magic and my former coach but I needed to spread my wings. As hard as it was I knew it was something I had to do if I wanted to further my career.

I walked in that audition scared sh!tless. Rewinding a day.... "Royce what are you wearing to the audition?" "Um a sports bra and some shorts..." "oh hell no! Time to find you an outfits". HILARIOUS! I really thought that would fly. Anyways, Ill never forget your face when I did 7 backhandsprings across the floor. "I knew you could tumble but damn!"lol. You were so proud like I was your sister or something...then I realized I kinda was...or at least it felt like it. I remember making it to finals and working on routines in your living room. I remember you being so blunt that it made my heart sink. But mostly I remember hearing my name being called as a member of the 2006-2007 Miami Heat Dancers! If it werent for you I wouldnt have that in my memory, in my past and on my resume. For so long I looked at the Heat Dancers as the #1 Dance Team in the NBA. Not to mention for 4 straight years we held that title. We werent just beautiful girls with nice bodies...we were extremely talented and intelligent. That to this day is my favorite memory. I can actually say I was a Miami Heat Dance and people turn their heads like WOW!

Thank you so much Traci for being there for me. If it wasnt for you I really dont know where I'd be. You are by far 1 of the fiercest dancers Ive ever seen in my life and I really look up to you. Through our arguments that put me on team probation "Sht the F Up!", "No you shut the F up!" to the "Girl you so crazy" I love you girl. We have so many fun and goofy memories I can laugh forever but we also have those serious keep it real moments too. You are destined for so much more success and your Dance company (Addiction) is beyond excellent. I really look up to you and one day you will be as thick as me! lol hahahahaha. Love you chica and thank you!

Day 23: The Last person you kissed!

2010-11-12T20:08:00.010-05:00

Now I could be all basic and say the last person I kissed was Braylon lol but I know this means the last person I KISSSSSSSED lol. Soooooo of course it better be Dwayne right? Or else Im getting dumped lol.

Dwayne,

After 11 years we finally made it. We finally stopped being "just friends" and became a couple. We finally stopped dealing with failed relationships and venting to each other to becoming an item....A thing...an emotion.....a LOVE! I remember the talks we had playing around with the idea but never followed through. I remember the flirting and the teasing. I remember everyone saying "Dammit just go ahead and be together already!". Well, we did it. Thank you for supporting me, fighting for me, and sticking up for me. I am your biggest cheerleader and I enjoy watching you work, succeed, and just being you. We compliment each other...You are my MAN...You are my Knight...You are my Jamaican King...and Im your Queen...or what you like to call me...your EMPRESS! I love you.

Yes, we argue, & yes we get on each others nerves at times but with every kiss, & every hug, it never lasts long. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and loving me through thick and thin. I may not say it all the time or even show it but you are the best thing thats happened to me in a long time. We have so many memories already that I laugh all the time or think of them when I'm feeling down. From the burned rice and macaroni and cheese to u scaring me & making me cry. From the night the bug flew in the car and I jumped in the back seat like a bat, to the night we made out on the dance floor like no one was there but us. I love you.

Whats best is the fact that you LOVE Braylon like hes your own and he loves you back. He asks about you everyday when youre not there and when you are you 2 are inseparable. I love seeing the smile on both your faces when you get together. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes because hes so happy. I love watching the 2 of you play and have your man and lil man moments. Gotta admit, I enjoy being the woman of the house watching my 2 boys. Sometimes when you stay over, and Braylon jumps in the bed at 3AM I wake up and see the 2 of you laying there and I just stare. He deserves you & I deserve you and you deserve US. I love you.

Whether we're out with the crew or inside cuddling on the sofa we can have fun together. I love the fact our friends can get together and it be like family. Whether its the big dinners at Bahama Breeze, the memorable...or "what happened last night" nights at the club, we always end with a laugh or me getting on your nerves because im yelling for no reason...."I thought you were leaving...um no im getting something out the car....oh my bad!" lol..... or..... The "Why are you wearing sunglasses inside the club" to the deep conversations that come out of nowhere at Waffle House. They all make for funny moments when we reminisce.

I remember the day I realized how serious we really were. You asked me for my ring size. You asked me to send you pictures of my perfect ring. You talked to my parents about your intentions and got their blessing. You talked to my brother as not just a friend but a brother. Thats when I realized that this may be IT for me and Im ok with that. So if we last or not and whether or not we do take that walk down the aisle...just know that at this moment...right now...I love you & everything you are. Muahs!

Inside joke:
Is that a camel toe!!!!! Im on the side of a truck! lol :o)~

Day 22: Someone I'd Like to give a 2nd Chance to...

2010-11-09T21:12:00.005-05:00

Hmmm....This 1 is easy...probably the fastest blog ever!

I cant really figure out who I'd like to give a 2nd chance to because I promised myself not to look back anymore. I strongly agree with this poem (whoever wrote it):

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season!

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these... it might have been.

So with that said...to anyone that is no longer in my life, has been cut off, we stopped speaking due to certain circumstances, etc.... Thank you for being a part of my life when you were. You served your purpose. I may not be over it, I may not have forgiven you...although most I have and others Ive tried to. A large part of me cant wait for Braylon to get older and understand the things going on around him. Im Not bitter, not angry, some people just no longer serve a purpose in my life therefore theres no need for 2nd chances. For some, especially, 1 I will never respect you or trust you EVER again so what does it matter??? Even the DEVIL has a Little Bitch! Your season is over, your chapter has been read, and your time is UP! Two Fingers, Im out!

Day 21: Someone I judged by 1st impression

2010-11-07T19:03:00.006-05:00

Britnie,

Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, I couldnt STAND you. I literally thought you were the 1 person I hated in life. Its not important how or why but I realize you cant base your opinion of people off of what someone else tells you. I did that, you did that, and our families did that. If it werent for a certain situation we would probably STILL think the other was crazy, psycho, jealous, envious, bitter, mean, disrespectful, a whore, a bitch, and the list goes on.

I just want to say Im HAPPY we finally met. Im happy we can form our own opinions of each other based off our own impression. I do think you can be extra sometimes but thats you lol. I think we are both emotional and we both wear our hearts on our sleeves. I believe we both love hard and we both fight for that. Family is extremely important to us and we will do any and everything for them. Although youre definitely a shopaholic and I love my sneakers you are for sure a cool chick! We have a lot in common and although im sure we both have underlying issues pertaining to..... I hope we will eventually get over them and that bigass hill. We've had conversations that we couldnt have with anyone else. We've had some funny moments and even some disagreements but we get thru them. Regardless of how we got to this point, everything happens for a reason. We were meant to meet for a reason, we were meant to speak for a reason, we were meant to be in each others lives at this moment for a reason....whether its just a chapter, a season, or a decade, I wouldnt take it back. Despite so many people telling us not to speak and theres no reason we should be friends. Despite people telling us not to trust each other, or hang out. Despite people telling us that you still or I still want that BS, IF...like really IF lol.... any of it ends up being true....i still had a helluva good time and regardless...We're soldier girls!

Thanks Tink (lmao)

Midget

Day 20: Person who broke my heart the most...not thru love...thru words

2010-11-07T18:42:00.004-05:00

Dear Butterflies (not gonna put a picture),

We werent in love, we werent extremely serious but we had some months under our belt. I was smitten by you. You were everything I thought I wanted in a man and you were definitely easy on the eyes. I called you butterflies because thats how you made me feel when I saw you or thought about you. We could talk and laugh for hours. I really thought we would last. THEN I made a mistake. I didnt cheat, I didnt hit you.....I danced at a pool party. I told you about it the day it happened and even sent you the link. You claimed you didnt care and it didnt bother you....I believed you. Nothing changed between us and we got a little more serious. You knew about the show and although you werent in love with the idea you supported my decision. You never wanted to know about my drama because you cared about who YOU saw and you liked ME.

Then....the show aired.

Everything about you changed. That strong man I thought you were disappeared. You started caring about other peoples opinions and not your own. You told me you liked me but you couldnt be associated with me. Ive NEVER had anyone flip on me so fast and turn their back on me so sharply. I didnt lose the love of my life but my heart cracked. I had never had someone say such mean things over SKYPE...yes SKYPE let alone to my face. Then you mentioned your mother. I got that part. Your mom probably wouldnt have had many nice things to say about me but I do believe she wouldve ended up realizing that everyone makes mistakes and respected that fact that I learned from it. I know your career is everything to you but its nothing when you have no one to share it with. I still watch your meets, I still see your blogs, and I still wish you the best. I just hope you never fall off that high horse youre on because if you do...reality is gonna slap you dead in your face and you will miss what you once had.

Through our deep conversations about things you never spoke to anyone about to the wrestling matches on the floor I dont regret meeting you and I dont regret our times. For 3 months we had fun but what you said to me is STILL in my heart and its hard to heal. I didnt love you, I liked you a lot but those words were sharp and they cut deeper than ANYTHING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME. I dont judge anyone, and I always take people for who they are....mistakes and all. I know you and I know this letter probably wont phase you, but it feels good to get it out....even tho a lot im keeping in.

Day 19: Person who pesters me the most

2010-11-05T22:41:00.016-04:00

You are on my mind everyday. You cause me to daydream. You cause me to write. You cause me to use my determination to push through.

Dear Conscience,

Thank you for entering my brain and my heart each day I am here on earth. Thank you for being in the back of my mind telling me who I am and what I deserve in my life. Thank you for keeping me sane and making good decisions. I appreciate the drive you give me when I want to give up. I respect the times you let me vent and pull me back before I go too far. With out you I would be a mess. You cause me to think before I react. I have grown so much in the past year and alot has to do with my maturity. Thank you for always helping me keep my sense of humor. Thank you for keeping me humble through everything. With out you I wouldnt still be laughing the night away to the point my stomach hurts and tears coming out my eyes. You have kept me whole, driven, and warm-hearted. You have dragged me back to reality when I steer away from my friends and family who truly love me. Thank you for always making me realize the importance of love instead of material things. Thank you for always making me understand money does not buy happiness. Thank you mostly for always making sure I put my son FIRST! The determination you give me to be successful has always been there. You have ALWAYS nagged me to be the best I can be in everything I ever participated in. I reached the levels I did because you pushed me to do so. I am the dancer I am today because of you. I pursued my acting career because of you. So many times I was told to get a "REAL job", but you were there to tell me this is your "REAL job". I am NOT meant to sit behind a desk for hours. Im meant to perform, Im meant to teach. Im meant to do exactly what it is I am doing. Entertain and Educate. Thank you for never letting me fail or give up. You were always that voice in the back of my head that never let anyone bring me down...not even now. People may be able to say whatever they want about me BUT what they cant take away is my TALENT! I am great and 1 of the best at what I do. I am always working on my crafts and you make sure you never let ANYONE interrupt that.

I am you,
Royce

You can say whatever it is you want to say about me...but...AT THE END OF THE DAY....you cant take away...and you still say...
THAT GIRL CAN DANCE, THAT GIRL CAN ACT, AND THAT GIRL CAN WRITE! SHE GOT SKILLS & GOT DAMN SHES BEAUTIFUL!
Thats good enough for me because thats who I am & Im proud of ME! Thank you! #POW! :o)

Day 18: The Person I wish I could be

2010-11-04T21:37:00.007-04:00

WOW! Hmmm.....

I just gonna start writing without looking back and deleting because I know if I proofread im going to take some things out...With that said...

Sometimes I wish I could be Cold
Sometimes I wish I could be Evil
Sometimes I wish I could be Heartless
Sometimes I wish I could be so Selfish that nothing and no one else mattered but ME.

I wish I could go on with life not caring what other people think regardless if its good or bad. Its easy to say you dont care but a small percentage of you does. Like I said before you cant get through LIFE without other people so I'd be foolish to say I dont care at all.

I wish I could throw someone under the bus so bad like theyve done me but my heart pulls me back. So much of me wants to expose that person for who they are. I wish I could tell all the secrets and prove all the lies but then I have to ask myself, what good what that do to me and my life? Why would that make me happy? It wouldnt but I wish it would because then I could. I just keep telling myself its NOT my duty to show the world who they are but I wish It was.

I wish I could be that person that was so evil that I could attempt to ruin someone with lies just like they tried to do me. I wish I could make false allegations, & spread rumors just to ruin a persons career by overshadowing their talents. I wish I could throw the rock & hide my hand. Better yet I wish I could do all these things then cover them up by doing good deeds or smiling in peoples faces. I wish I could be so evil that I could laugh at another persons misery. I wish I could step on someones back to get to the top. I wish I could burn bridges and not give a DAMN about how many. I wish I could hurt people and their families and friends JUST because I could & to prove a point. I wish I could humiliate the people who once bent over backwards for me just because they made me mad. I wish I could sleep at night after making the world think another person crazy or psychotic because of what I said...or didn't say. I wish I could knowingly put someone in harms way and tell them "Its not my problem". I wish I could have my friends send death threats, harass, and threaten people who I dont like just to make their life hell. I wish I could be that wrong, that evil, that cold, that selfish and that heartless. BUT I CANT....

I wasnt made that way. I wasnt raised that way. I will NEVER be that way. But I am a fighter and I will fight until I cant fight anymore. You may be winning some battles but you WONT WIN THE WAR! TRUST! I know some wish I would give up...maybe thats who YOU wish I was...but thats DEFINITELY NOT WHO I AM!. LIKE I SAID BEFORE....WHEN I SEE SOMEONE REACHING FOR THEIR DREAMS I WISH ON THEIR STARS...SO GUESS HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE WISHING ON MINE!

I bet you think this song is about you...that means youre guilty!

Day 17: Someone from my childhood

2010-11-03T22:00:00.006-04:00

This letter goes to 2 people!

Windy,

Girl where the heck are you? What happened to us? We were inseparable all thru Middle School then we drifted. Nothing couldve told me we wouldnt be life long friends. I remember us writing a few times when we went off to HS but then it dwindled and went away. We have so many memories that are slowly fading and I wish I had more pictures. I remember the friendship bracelets and my Birthday Party and the Sheraton. I remember the t-shirts we made (so ugly) and we still wore them to school...maybe thats where my fashion got screwed lol. Anyways, Awilda Andrillon, if you are out there or if anyone reading this letter knows her, Ive been trying to locate you/her.

Donald,

I dont know where you are either. You and Windy were my closest friends. You wouldve probably been my boyfriend if I couldve had 1 lol. I remember getting a spanking when my dad saw us walking in the field behind our house. We were just walking but I guess he was just nipping it in the bud just in case lol. Anyways, we kept in touch a few years in HS then we drifted too. From my childhood I remember the fun times I had with you and Windy most. I still have your letters that you folded up like an arrow or an envelope with the pull tab. lol. Those carefree days. What sucks the most is that I later found out that you were my cousin...WOW! Thank goodness you weren't my 1st kiss lol...that would've been weird. Anyways, if you or anyone else reads this letter please know I'm trying to locate you/him too.

I miss both of you. My favorite times in Middle School had you both in them. We may not have any deep conversations or memories since we were only like 12 but we did have and that in itself is a breath of fresh air!

Love yall,

Royce

Day 16: Someone thats not in my state

2010-11-02T21:25:00.008-04:00

Short and Sweet!

My Brother Tony,

Although we arent as close as we used to be you are still my brother. Half or not we are family. I remember growing up and seeing you a lot more than I do now but we were younger then. You've gone off and had 2 beautiful boys and I love them dearly. I wish I could see and spend more time with them and you but I understand. I wont forget the piggy back rides or spending those days and nights with Grandma aka "Mother". I was young so I cant remember any drama if there was any with the adults but I do remember the fun times and the laughs WE had which is all that matters to me. Im also not sure what happened to make things go from weekly visits to years of separation but thats in the past. I see your photos and my nephews at my parents house and I cant help but wish we were closer. However, now, it feels great knowing that I can talk to you a lot more now and its on our terms. Thank you for being there when I need you and sending your support and love at just the right times. You definitely have that protective trait that really makes me realize we are more than just halves...we are whole regardless. You could've just disappeared but you didnt. I dont think you realize how much that means & how much I appreciate you. You are for sure 1 of the men in my life that I know has my back through the good and the bad. You know me and you know my heart. We are Reed's! Always and forever! I miss you and I love you. We definitely need to keep in contact more and I want to see those little boys grow up more than just on Facebook.

xoxoxo,
Sis

Day 15: Person I miss the most...

2010-11-01T21:52:00.006-04:00

This one is really hard. Bare with me...

Deshawn,

Despite what I found out after you were gone, I know who I MET and who I MISS.

We met on my 18th Birthday at FAMU. I was in BIONR for Biology majors who were looking into Pre-Med (We see I ended up following my #1 dream NOT #2...still love the kids tho) and you were a part of the Black Male Explorers. Your smile, & your laugh was contagious. When we first started talking it was as friends and you told me EVERYTHING! I remember the movie moments when you sung to me while playing the piano with me sitting on the top lol. I remember our long walks around campus. Over the next few months you became my 1st REAL boyfriend. You never asked me for more than a kiss and you never tried to receive anything else either. You were so respectful & so sweet. When the summer was over you wrote and mailed me letters every week. I still have all of them. Although you wrote extremely tiny and in ALL CAPS you had great handwriting for a dude, & I still read them every now and then lol....

A year later we broke up (you cheated of course lol) but you were honest, admitted it & we still remained friends. You still wrote and you told me about your exes, your currents, the good and the bad. I told you when you were wrong and when you were right. I was like your Home-girl lol. Regardless, Im happy we stayed close. I still have the voicemail you left singing "I Love You" on my answering machine. You were and always will be special. After all you were my 1st boyfriend...who never became my 1st lol.

Two months before your accident I remember you visiting FAMU with your boys. Yall laughed about the way you all drove and I told all of you it wasnt funny. I remember saying that it was dangerous and someone could get killed. I then remember that morning when I spoke to you for all of 5-10 minutes. It was so normal, so everyday...so real. I called you that night...no answer. I believe I left a message. The next morning I got a phone call...
"Hey Royce"
"Wassup"
"Not much, what you been up to?"
"Nothin just chillin"
"Oh, did you hear about Deshawn yesterday?"
"No,I havent talked to him since yesterday morning, why?"
"What time?
"Like before they went to work or something I think, why?"
"Oh, he was killed in a car accident yesterday morning..."

Just like that. No sympathy from the person who told me. He said it like he was telling me you got a new puppy. I cried for days. To the point I lost my voice. I couldnt understand it. I wanted to know why. You had so much going for you. When I saw the article online from the newspaper I got angry. I wish I'd stayed on the phone with you longer that morning. I think about your mom and your family. I think about your kids who will never know their father. I know forgiveness is key but its a lesson Im still learning. I couldnt go to the funeral. I couldnt get the strength or courage. I miss your ass so much. Your voice, your jokes, your laugh. YOU! It's not fair but I understand its life and it was JUST YOUR TIME. I dream about you on occassion and every blue moon I drive down that street in Ft Lauderdale & cry. You are in a better place and Im sure youre singing your heart out! Like you used to say "Till the sun turns purple" we will always be here for each other. Keep lookin down on me!

Lil Head, Peanut head, Line-4-a-lip,
Royce

I wouldve posted the 1 with u smiling but u had those "THINGS" in your head so I wont :o)~

Day 14: Someone I drifted away from

2010-10-31T22:40:00.009-04:00

Angelique,

I dont really know why or what exactly happened that caused us to drift apart but its obviously happened. We've known each other since we were 6 and became best friends in college. After graduation you went to Atlanta, got married, and I stopped hearing from you. I know through a few emails feelings were hurt on both sides due to our firm and blunt opinions but we got past that. When I had Braylon you came to visit. This letter is short and sweet and not too deep but I do miss you. We had a lot of great times and our memories are crazy fun. If I have to live by memories for the months we dont speak thats cool because I KNOW Ill have enough to laugh about. From people gettin left in Sarasota, & ROAD KILL on the bus to Miami, to the KART running in front of me when a certain someone wanted to fight lol. Whether its settin up Chris after the club or the nights on the beach in St George. I love you girl! Whether its Purple Rain or Why...Earth Wind and Fire or The Jungle. Better yet Four Women and booty dancing to wondering why someone was crying during the Happy Dance. Ill make sure I sell my tickets instead of showing my ass to Shepiro, & the KART will live on forever! Regardless of the time frame...whether its a month or a year...I know once we speak it will last for hours and the laughs that make our stomachs hurt are something I will NEVER get tired of. See you soon and freakin A Im waitin on a baby from you and the hubby! lol :o)~

The R in KART,

Kia
Angelique
ROYCE
Tisiphani
(Best-Eboard of Mahogany Dance Theatre #FAMU)

Day 13: Someone I wish could forgive me

2010-10-30T22:37:00.003-04:00

I thought about this letter a lot. I've gone back & forth about who I've hurt, disappointed or even done wrong. I looked up & down & sideways trying to figure out who this letter should be for because in the cases I've remembered I apologized and/or was forgiven by them.....I'm not saying in every case it's been rectified but in the cases I care about they have. I can honestly say that the ones that matter to me have been squashed. So, I think more than them I need to forgive myself.

Royce,

I ask that you learn how to fully let go of situations in which you have hurt other people. I know you say you're over it but in a lot of cases you regret things which means you're not. Everyone makes mistakes, & you are only human. You blame yourself for putting yourself in a situation for Day 12 to happen. It wasn't your fault. You didn't have a ride & no one was available to take you home. You blame yourself for your relationship falling apart & becoming a single mother. It is not your fault you realized your worth & what you were not willing to deal with. You are better than what they tried to make you out to be. You blame yourself for the drama in your life. It is not your fault you try to set the facts straight & let people know the truth. Who wouldn't. It is not your fault you signed something not entirely knowing what it was but feeling it would make things & people leave you alone. You are a smart, caring,loving, honest & loyal person. Mostly you are a great mother,daughter,sister,niece,cousin, & friend. Stop blaming yourself for having high standards. Stop coming down on yourself over that damn pool party. It's over. You did it. You owned it. You know who you are & that's all that matters. Stop thinking that if you had been on the phone with Deshawn that morning he would still be here on earth. Start believing in the song you play almost every night. The Reason.... Everything happens for a reason. You can't control fate but you are in control of your destiny. Let it go. Love yourself & all your faults. Others do so why can't you.....

Royce

Day 12: Person I Hate The Most

2010-10-29T22:50:00.003-04:00

This letter is going to be extremely hard to write. I wrestled with myself and my emotions on whether or not to even "go there" then I realized if I didn't I'd be hiding something so many of us have in our lives. I feel as if im in a position where so many look up to me or wonder who i am and why I appreciate everyday....So with that said...here's my day 12.....

Thief,

You took something away from me I'll never get back. My innocence and my virginity. You held a knife to my throat and you forced me into a room. You cut open my jeans and you forced your sweaty drunk and high self on top of me. You called me every name in the book. You dripped sweat on my bare body & tried to kiss my mouth with your lips. You told me you wanted to take something from me you know I wouldn't give you. I sat there and screamed and cried until you covered my mouth with your shirt and told me you would kill me. I bled all over the table.....No one heard me.... Or at least no one tried to help. When you finished you laughed. I sat there and cried silently by myself until I got the strength up to move. I walked all the way to my apartment & went straight to the bathroom. I stayed in that shower for over an hour trying to wipe your scent off of me. My roommates sat outside the door yelling at me wondering what was wrong..... I said nothing. When I came out 1 of my roommates grabbed me as I fell. I lost all sense of reality because you stole something from me I cherished more than anything. I remember hearing her pray over me, and then I remember waking up with a film over my eyes because I'd cried so much....

Why? What did I do to you so awful to make you do that to me? I think about that situation often and I'm sure you've done it to someone else. I get mad at myself for not telling. Understand my only reason for not was not because of your threats but because I knew my family and friends would kill you and I didn't want anyone suffering more than me by being in jail. The reason I'm telling this story now is because I know I'm not alone. I know there are other females and males out there who have been in this same situation. I want them to know they are not alone. A lot of people in my life didn't want me to mention this part of my life but then I thought about why....because it's embarrassing? It's shameful? It's too personal? I look at it as life. You put me through something that caused me to flunk a semester. You put me through a block of time where I was afraid to even hug another male. But guess what.... I still prevailed and I'm still successful. I hate you more than anything I can imagine. Not that you should care but Karma is a bitch and you will get yours if you haven't already. You didn't kill me, you made me stronger. What you thought you gained you will lose. Through being tested to throwing up at night from the thought of you on top of me I am still here and happy. I wrote this to let others shoo have been taken by someone like you know aren't alone but I hope you reap what you sow and I hope you burn in hell.

Day 11: A Deceased Person I'd like to Meet

2010-10-28T20:34:00.004-04:00

Dear Jesus,

I know we are all waiting for your return. I know we're all contemplating if we've done the right thing or if we believe strong enough. Well I'll be honest.... I'm not 100% sure if you are real & I don't go to church every Sunday...To be even more honest I haven't been in quite a long time BUT I do listen to church music a lot....really I do! My excuse? There really isnt a good one....i just like to sleep in on weekends...I know that's horrible to say but I know lying is a sin. I get really tired with Braylon. I feel like I'm constantly trying to make sure he's following the right path & Im in need of constant reassurance from my family & friends. I spend so much time with him that it's exhausting. I feel guilty sometimes when I say Mommy's tired. But even moreso, I get so proud every time he gets moved up in school because he's far beyond his age bracket in terms of academics. I don't want that to change so I'm always counting, always reading, always playing, & always spoiling him. I know you are watching over him & without you being there to guide him when I can't I'd be nervous.

On another note...I just feel sometimes your father has put things on me that I don't understand. Whether its miniature drama or blasted across the internet i know theres a reason. Sure the saying goes " He'll never put more on you than you can bare" and sure it's all made me stronger but why me? I have so many questions that I need answers to. I know I shouldn't question you or Him but I'm only human right? I'm far from perfect & even today I laughed at individuals I considered psychopaths. Ok ok ok...that was mean but i really think it's true. They have a serious problem. Anyways, with that I know everyone is Gods child & he spent more time on others & maybe left a few screws loose for humor.....ok sorry again....you know me...I got jokes.

For real though, when or if your return before I die....can you please just give me a break? I'm really trying to do right. I drink yes, but I've never smoked a day in my life....heck y'all drink wine right? I know God doesn't make mistakes and everything happens for a reason but sometimes it hurts like crazy. I've lost a lot off people in my life that I miss dearly & I feel your hand on me when I cry. I will ask that you let both my grandmothers, my grandfather, my cousin, & my friends that you've taken know i love and miss them dearly. I've been through a lot most people have no idea about because I'm a lot stronger from it .....however, it still hurts.

Basically, I just wish that you keep me standing & you keep me strong. I know everything I'm going through has a purpose & eventually I'll know what that is. I know that when I get weak you pick me up. I know when I feel like I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place you give me wings. I know when I'm surrounded by 4 walls you give me a shovel, I get it. I'm just waiting to understand why & when all the drama is going to be over. Lastly, please dont think im questioning you and your fathers choices...i know i was chosen for this life for a reason....If its ANYTHING ive learned thru all this its that I know it's not on my time.... Its on your fathers ....and it always right on time. I just hope you continue to be there for me when I feel like giving up. I need you to be not only the rainbow when the storm is over but also my umbrella thru the storm..

I love you,
Royce
Gods Child

Day 10 : Someone I don't talk to as much as I'd like to...

2010-10-27T17:28:00.001-04:00

Ceejeeeeeeey!

OMG we go waaaaaay back! Freshman year FAMU! WOW with the memories. From the days Kia and I used 2 yell at you, Red, and New York from 3rd floor McGuinn to the Raquetball Courts. You went from being My 1st to being My Best Friend. I dont know what happened to us over the years but even tho we hardly speak anymore when we do its as if no time has passed. We can be on the phone for hours reminiscing and it always makes me smile and sometimes laugh so hard I cry. I remember ripping pictures off your wall to writing you a letter that looked like this: kmadamfihysgiwinmuaihu and you understood what every letter meant. lol DANGIT you knew me too well. From the day I met your parents to the day you met mine my mom still asks "How's CJ doing?". The days we walked all the way to the State Room & the food fights in the Caf.

I just want to say I'll never forget you & it feels good to know after all these years even if we don't speak for a year, when we do it's like we never missed a day. Thank you for being there when I needed a friend or someone to give me a blanket or jacket because my ass was always cold. Thank you for mocking me every time I said something you thought was funny. Thank you for staying up with me till 5AM when you know we had class in a few hours. Mostly thank you for being 1 of my 1st real friends I met in college. My parents always told me you find your best friends in college & although I didn't find many I did find you. Through our dating & through our friendship you are truly 1 in a million. I wish we talked more often so that our catchup convos didn't last the entire day but I'll take what I can get lol. Congrats on your marriage, & i better meet her!

P.S
Next time I see your ass your lips BETTA not be black! I am NOT slow! Lol love ya Ceejey!

I'll post pics later. I'm on my iPad but you KNOW I got some throwbacks! :-)~

Ooooooh remember when they dropped me at the game? Thanks for being there even though you laughed!!!

Day 9: Someone I wish I could Meet

2010-10-26T09:46:00.009-04:00

This should come as no suprise but this letter is to:

Hey J (yea Im acting like I actually know you),

Since I was little I can remember watching you and telling my parents I want to be Janet when I grow up. I really felt like it was an option to become someone instead of LIKE them. I remember going to my 1st concert of yours...Rhythmnation. I will NEVER forget how in awe I was watching you. I was 10 years old. I knew every song and my parents just laughed. I thought I knew every routine but was just bouncing around with the attitude in my face. I remember wanting to go backstage to meet you but I wasnt old enough. I remember trying to get your attention like I was the only little black girl in the venue. I think thats when my parents realized how serious I was about my budding career in the performing arts. Sure they had me involved in everything (gymnastics, dance, competitive cheerleading, track, piano, acting and singing) but the 3 that stuck out to me most....I wanted to dance, I wanted to act, & I wanted to sing. Id dance in the hallway before school until my mom told me to get dressed. My dad would have me singing my lungs out after school, and I would be swearing I sounded and looked just like you. As I got older I realized It wasnt so much then that I wanted to BE you, I just wanted to be LIKE you. My mom has always been my role model, but you were and in a lot of ways still are my career idol.

From that day at your concert, I had your poster on my wall. I wasnt a crazy fan with hundreds of pictures around my room, I just had 1. Id look at it every morning and strike a pose. Im not the fan that screams and cries everytime you come across the screen. I just sit, watch and take notes. I dont think Im the 1 that would faint if I ever saw you but I may cry. Im just the 1 who smiles and supports every album & tries to learn the words to my favorite songs. I remember how heartbroken I was when your Rock Witchu Tour Show got cancelled in Miami. I had front row center tickets with the backstage passes for my mom and I. I was counting down the days. I felt like I was finally going to meet my career idol. But it never happened.... I still feel like that little girl 20 years ago that wanted so bad to just say "Hi" but now that Im a young woman I also want to say "Thank you!".

Thank you for being so open with the songs you sung. Thank you for being so free in your dancing. Thank you for being so real in your career and opening up parts of your life for the world to see. If it wasnt for you, I doubt I'd ever have come so far as a dancer. My nickname since my SR year in HS till my last day dancing on the Heat Court was LiL Janet. Its such a compliment when people say that to me because for so long I looked up to you and was always inspired. Between you and your brother Michael I think you have changed a lot of lives. I see you now acting and Im so proud like I had something to do with it hahaha. But I just see myself in a few years. Majoring in Theatre Education and Humanities from FAMU and being a part of Mahogany Dance Theatre has definitely opened a lot of doors for me. You have done so many things I can only hope and pray that I'll be able to accomplish one day, especially working with Tyler Perry. If I dont get there, at least I can say I had a good run and I tried. Ive done A LOT more than 95% of individuals in this career can say they have and thats awesome. So, in closing, I just wish one day, that I can meet you long enough to say Thank you, you are the reason I chose this career and the reason I am a dancer!

Love you lots!
Lil Janet aka Royce

Day 8: My Favorite Internet Friend

2010-10-25T10:57:00.006-04:00

Hello Friend,

OMG how you have gotten me thru sooooo much this past year. There were days I'd write things that Id later end up telling myself "I shouldn't have said that." or "I should've just ignored it." Then I saw you. I'll never forget it. I was actually on my phone when I first met you. So bold! Your picture was nothing special but it made a statement. Its been times when Ive wanted to curse people out, or put them on blast but with one word you'd change my mind. From the death threats to the degrading comments, I see you. From the E-Thugs to the Perverts, I see you. When I think of you I realize you are a blessing. Every time I almost curse a FOOL out, you somehow show up on my timeline with 1 statement like you see the ignorance too. So, when I Tweet, I smile cuz I know you're there. When I see you I giggle. No one really understands how great you are unless they know you. I love the way you piss people off when they find out about you and how many times they make up fake pages just to try and get us back. Its hilaaaarious. Its like you just rained on their parade or kicked their dog. Its funny how many people fill up their timelines for 30 plus minutes talking about us because of what you've done. They actually take it personally or they just enjoy talking about me which is cool too. Definitely keeps me relevant. So much has changed since we met. I no longer get upset when people come at me sideways, I just laugh and look at you. I no longer let it phase me when E-Thugs try to get crunk when they know they'd never say it to my face. Mostly, whenever I come across something negative or even nasty I think of you and how you are always there for me. Whether I see you on private messages or on my public timeline it amazes me how powerful you are. Thank you for being there for me everyday, 24/7.

Thank you BLOCK BUTTON.... Thank you so much for everything!

I just LOVE the feeling I get when people sign in so they can attempt to @ me and THIS COMES UP! How you like them apples?! IIIIIII dooooooont seeeeeee youuuuuuu Beatch! You are a ghost! *POOF*

With that said, I'd like to send this message out to all my haters, & stalkers. Thank you soooo much for keeping my name in your mouth. You make the BEST publicists because you work for free! Like the song says "If you had it like me and I was in your shoes, I'd probably hate on me too!". I aint mad atcha! Muahs! Cheeeeese!

HAHAHAHAHA B!TCHES!!!!!

Day 7: My Ex

2010-10-24T12:20:00.009-04:00

Puff,

It was Fall of '99 at Florida A&M University. On the set, on a Friday, hundreds of people walking around, and for a split second I only saw you. Standing by the stairs talkin to your homeboys smiling and laughing. My heart jumped "OMG who is THAT?!" You were breathtaking, gorgeous, & let me tell it seemed as if you had a spotlight shining on you with angels singing like a movie. I stared at you like a little girl meeting Mickey Mouse for the 1st time. I was in awe. You definitely had me shook. Nothing was said, there was no eye contact, that was it....

Next semester, I joined Mahogany Dance Theatre. It was Spring of '00 and we had to support our brother organization the FAMU Strikers. While having fun with my new "sisters" and old friends from the dorm I saw you standing by the door with a Striker shirt on. "WHO IS THAT?" I asked Tisiphani. "Oh, thats Ramesh." she said. "OMG he is sooooooo FOOOOINE!" I responded. "He has a girlfriend." Titi said. "Nooooo." I cried. "Yep, your best friend." she said sarcastically. "Shutup!" I yelled.

That best friend was actually the ONE chick in Mahogany I didnt care for at the time (Sorry Nikki). My heart was hurt. I hadn't said 1 word to you but was still a little heartbroken. I saw you 1 more time that year. We smiled at each other and you tripped running across Howard Hall lol. I never saw you again for the rest of the year. I later found out you had to leave for health issues.

Fall '00. On the set, yet again, it happened. We officially met. We talked, we laughed, we stared at each other. I was in a state of bliss. You were now single. Those 1st 2 weeks we met on the set everyday. You'd walk me to cheerleading practice, then I'd see you at Mahogany/Striker practice. On September 10, 2000 we had our 1st kiss in front of the gym. From that day till now, however, on and off, however many arguments we had, however many tears were shed, we've had 10 plus years of memories. When we were both with other people, it was respected...kinda. We stayed friends. When we needed that ear to talk to or that shoulder to cry on we were there for each other. We have had some extremely rough times to where I swore id NEVER talk to you again or you swore you'd never forgive me, but that never lasted.

We are both in different stages of our lives but ill never forget how you made me feel the 1st time I saw you. I dont want to make this letter 2 long but Ill never forget falling in the bushes, our trips to the parks, Valentines Day Auction, Miami, ham and eggs, my doggie, your moms loving and caring ways/words (love her), Randa & Vish fightin for us 2 work (love yall), Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure, party nights, going to practice together, St George, the car accident you had that freaked me out, using Erica as our mediator lol, the honesty pact after the mistakes, that night at Lux, that night at Bennigans.....laughing together, crying together, the moments you held my son, the moments you held me. You were my heart, and although you weren't my first boyfriend, you were my 1st love & that will never change.

Chocolate Bunny

(Sidenote: That's cake frosting from Braylons 1st Bday Party whn he hugged me covered in it)

Day 6: A stranger...

2010-10-23T10:35:00.006-04:00

To the lady who came up to me in the Sprint Store in Tallahassee in 2001.

Ummmm Im not quite sure what your purpose was or if you were even working with a full deck but I havent been able to shake your words off of me in 10 years. I was with my friend Prince when you walked up to me and said "I dont normally do this but I have a strange pull bringing me to you. God is going to test you. You need to go to Church.".

I cant lie, I didnt feel like I was special, I thought you were crazy. Now... Im not so sure. I still remember what you looked like.....An African-American woman, short hair that kinda looked like a dry jerry curl, red or maroon looking shirt, jeans, and those ugly loafer shoes. You have to admit, you were looking a little unkempt so I hope you understand my standoffish attitude. I remember looking at you and saying something like "Ummm ok..." or "Ummm thank you...".

When you left, we laughed at you...(I said I wasnt perfect.). We laughed at your words, your clothing, your hair, everything. I brushed off everything you said. That SAME night Prince and I went to Walmart. After about 30 minutes of grocery shopping, laughing, joking, & talking about everything we found humorous we were about to go check out. "Wait, I forgot Orange Juice" Prince said. We turned around and went to the back of the store on the right side. I rushed him to pick a brand & he got a little annoyed. Once he picked one up and we began to walk away, ALLLLLLLLL the boxes on the replenishing cart fell. Im talking at least 50 big A** boxes. First thing that came to our mind...(Disclaimer: Remember we are broke college kids) was DAMMIT!

Prince: "Roooooooyce!

Me: "WHAT?!"

Prince: "We coulda been RICH!"

Me: "Huh?"

Prince: "You rushed me, those boxes were supposed to fall on us!"

Me; "Are you serious right now?"

Prince: "Hell yea Im serious! Dammit Royce!"

Me: "Sorry. Go lay under them then."

Prince: "Hit me with the Orange Juice."

Me: "You stupid."

Prince: ( A series of F bombs and other words that people say are French but Ive never seen them in the French Dictionary)

After that exchange we checked out and got in the car. He turned on Brandy (dont ask) and we went back to the On Campus apartments (Shout out to Phase III). That night, I dont know why, but it finally crossed my mind what you said to me. Maybe those boxes were supposed to knock some sense into me or warn me to stop laughing at you. Maybe it was a sign that I needed to take into account exactly what you said to me. I still dont know if you were sent by God or if you really were just a crazy lady. But with all Im going thru now, it does make me remember your words So, I dont know if that was the test THEN or if its what Im going thru NOW. But I just want to let you know.... excuse my language....But

I HAD MY ASS IN CHURCH THAT SUNDAY!!! WITH PRINCE!

Love u Prince! Hahahahahahaha!

Day 5: My Dreams

2010-10-22T09:37:00.009-04:00

However Cliche', However politically correct, However surreal and beyond my reach it may seem.....

MY DREAM IS FOR UNITY!

It started when I was in HS. When I was walking to my moms office one day out of many. I passed by a girl digging in the trash. Not just any girl tho...a popular one. One that many thought came from money and the "BETTER" things in life. It was weird. It was during lunch on a random Thursday and I decided to take the back stairs to her office. I saw her thru the door and she was throwing almost anything into her bag. It almost seemed as if she had been keeping a stash there the whole day. I know many of you are waiting to see what I did or if she saw me...but she didn't....I did however walk away. I was scared to say anything. I didn't want her to feel judged.

I still ended up going to my moms office and I asked her if I could go to Pizza Hut. Of course, I admit, having a mom whose a Guidance Counselor at your HS had its perks. She would let me go more often than not and the security guard let me go too. Thanks Ms W! :o)

That day I bought 3 personal pan pizzas with my lunch money and I put them NEXT to the garbage can I saw her digging in. Theres no happy ending or sob story because to this day I don't know if she got them. I don't even know if she went back to that can that day. It very easily couldve been taken out by the janitor. But that day I realized how blessed many of us are and how much we take for granted. With that said....my dream is for UNITY.

u·ni·ty
[yoo-ni-tee] Show IPA
–noun, plural -ties.
1.
the state of being one; oneness.
2.
a whole or totality as combining all its parts into one.
3.
the state or fact of being united or combined into one, as of the parts of a whole; unification.
4.
absence of diversity; unvaried or uniform character.
5.
oneness of mind, feeling, etc., as among a number of persons; concord, harmony, or agreement.
6.
Mathematics .
a.
the number one; a quantity regarded as one.
b.
identity ( def. 9 ) .
7.
(in literature and art) a relation of all the parts or elements of a work constituting a harmonious whole and producing a single general effect.
8.
one of the three principles of dramatic structure (the three unities) derived from Aristotelian aesthetics and formalized in the neoclassic canon in which a play is required to represent action as taking place in one day (unity of time), as occurring within one place (unity of place), and as having a single plot with a beginning, middle, and end (unity of action).

We are all on this earth for a purpose. We cant get anywhere without someone else. Every job requires the help or support of somebody. To eat, to survive period we need another individual. Whether its feeding 1 person by working in the drivethru to playing a sport in front of thousands or acting in a movies millions go to see. We CANT live without each other. I look at all the hatred in the world that makes NO SENSE. Calling each other out our names, to laughing at anothers mishaps and failures. Why is someone elses misery your company? I very rarely fall into this trap anymore but sometimes I do...I am not perfect. I am human just like you. My dream is for everyone to realize how beautiful life is and that any God Given Talent can be taken away. Whether or not you believe in a higher power, you have to realize you are NOT here by chance and you are not here alone! Every feeling you express, every emotion you give, every action you take is felt by someone. Its not healthy nor is it fair to feel as if you are better than another because of what you have. IT CAN be taken from you. From my dream of starting a foundation for those extremely talented Middle School kids who want to play HS sports but cant afford it to writing my series of books whose focus is on real life encounters. Whether you're a single mother or a man living in wealth we are all still 1 family. We are HUMAN! That girl digging in the trash shouldve never felt that she couldn't ask for help without possibly losing her group of friends who were based on status. She shouldve never felt like she had to secretly find food to eat out of a filthy garbage can. Mostly beyond that, I, shouldve never felt like I had to walk away from someone who clearly needed help. I look back and realize that was a test for me. Did I judge her? No. Did I tell anyone? No. Did I help her? No....I thought I did but even if she did eat for a day, she didn't eat for 2.

It is our job in this world to come together. To Unite! To be able to help each other. We are 1 voice when we speak together. We are a circle floating in space that at moment can be taken from us. If you notice a HUG from anyone makes you feel comfort. A smile from anyone makes you smile back... in most cases. A laugh makes you feel as if everything that went wrong was right for those few seconds. When we fall we should feel like someone is there to catch us. When we dream someone should be wishing on a star. You leave this earth alone and everything you have stays behind. You cant take Money with you, & you cant take material things with your soul. However, the legacy you leave behind IS up to you. Will you be known for being a problem or will you be known for being a blessing?

I plan on being known for being someone who tried to treat everyone equally, with respect, and dignity. My dream is to leave this earth knowing that I brought even 2 people together. My dream is to leave this earth knowing theres a few kids that were able to fulfill their dreams of HS then College and possibly pro sports because I believed in them and I helped them get there. My dream is to see someone I saved from the streets because I gave them a chance and didn't judge them based on their upbringing but believe in them based on THEIR DREAM! As I said before....when someone is dreaming it is your duty to wish upon their star.
What will you be known for when you leave?

Day 4: My Brother (Ryan aka Brudder)

2010-10-21T10:35:00.003-04:00

Mooooooom!!!!! Daaaaaaad!!!!!! Im tellin!!!! Stooooop!!!!!! Get OUT!!!!! Leave me alone!!!!! That was the extent of our vocabulary when it came to our relationship in our younger years. As we got older it became more of a protector of me. Whether you were trapping me underneath the covers while you farted or beating up my dolls with your transformers I knew you loved me. Regardless if I annoyed you when I was cracking jokes and laughin on the phone when your girlfriend called or slapping you with my training bra you still never let anyone pick on me or call me out my name.

Now, much older, our relationship has changed. It started in college when I went to my 1st party and you yelled at me for cleaning up alcohol when the cops came "What the hell are you doing Royce? You're not 21! Go sit down some where!". Right then is when I realized that you were much more than just a title of my brother. You were now my friend. You were my defender, and my guide. You were now someone I could go to for advice. You were now someone I could cry to and not be judged. Whether you were telling your friends "Thats my sister, you cant talk to her!" or "Royce, those are NOT SHORTS go put some clothes on" I felt like more than just Ryan's little sister lol. I didnt realize it then but you have always looked out for me and kept me from making a lot of mistakes. You always seem to know how to say things the right way to get thru to me whether its mean or nice. We have definitely had some ups and downs to the point ive wondered sometimes "What the heck is wrong with you and do you need help?!" to "Did you really just say that to me?!. But then it hits me.....you love me. Ive seen you go thru so much & still you are there for ME. Im your sister, and im your friend. Very strongminded you are, very blunt you are, very opinionated you are and I love you for it. Yes, youve made me cry on many occassions but more than that youve made me smile. Youve made me laugh. We have memories than a lifetime can hold. You knew about Braylon before I told you. I guess thats the bond we have. You knew something was different and waited until I told you. You never judged me, you were there for me. You are a wonderful Uncle and Braylon loves everything about you. He looks up to you and asks about you everyday! You're his homeboy! Youre Uncle Wyan! lol

Thru all the drama Im going thru now you are my protector. I see you stick up for me when everyone else was scared to. I see you go off because you know the things they say about me arent true. For everything you do, and for everything you say I appreciate you. I may not say it enough but you have gotten me thru so much these past few years especially this last one that if you hadnt been there for me I dont know where I'd be. Thank you so much for being such a great brother, for supporting me in every decision I've made, for loving me thru my mistakes, for helping me up when I fall, and keeping me up when I could barely stand. I love you Brudder and you mean the world to me!

Sidder :o)

*_rists* <-inside joke

Day 3: My Parents (JuaNita and Robert)

2010-10-20T10:00:00.006-04:00

Before I wrote 1 word I was already in tears. Just the thought of how lucky I was growing up and how lucky I am NOW to have such a strong support system. To know I make them smile, laugh and proud. To know that Im special enough to be born to 2 such beautiful, strong, successful, supportive and loving people. I often wonder to myself, what did I do so great in my past life to deserve them... why me? As I sit here with the tears falling down my face I write this letter to my Parents. My MOTHER and MY FATHER!

Mommy and Daddy,

For as long as I can remember I was either Boots or Sugarpie, babe or stankdooky (yea I said it). From licking the cake batter off the beaters and rolling dough to help mom make biscuits in the morning to catching dragonflies and fishing with dad at night. From the day I started dancing to the day I stopped running Track. You knew who I was destined to be and you both made sure I got there. W/o you I may have been on the wrong side of the track. Ive grown up to see many I grew up with and used to be close to on drugs, in jail and even Resting In Peace. Ive grown to never take anything for granted and that working for what I have accomplished in my life and career is thru hard work. Youve taught me the most important thing I need in LIFE is not the material things, not money, not status but LOVE.

Although I grew up Middle Class in a low to middle income neighborhood called Tangelo Park, I love the fact that the quote "It takes a village to raise a child" was one statement that held true on our street. From the block parties to the Tailgating trips during FAMU Homecoming. The memories I have of playing 2/4 Square, Kickball, Freeze Tag, etc. then coming home when the street lights came on to a home made meal is something I will never forget. I remember for most my years growing up, how open you were to my friends coming by and becoming the father and mother figures some didnt have. I never noticed it then but I do notice it now. You had a strong impact on not just me, but everyone you have come in contact with.

Whether it was the small things like dropping me off and picking me up from school so I wouldnt have to catch the bus, or supporting every competition in every sport Ive ever participated in, I always had that support system a lot of kids didnt have and still dont. I am who I am because of who you made me to be. It means so much to know Ive made you proud but It also hurts to know that Ive disappointed you in some of my decisions whether you say it or not. I never want to make you feel as if you did something wrong. I never want you to feel as if somewhere you fell short. Ive cried many nights knowing that if I had never done that infamous pool party a lot of judgment passed on how I was raised wouldnt even be a factor. I apologize for ever putting myself in that position. I apologize for any backlash you may have received because your daughter, me, may have caused. Although you have always stood by me, thru everything, I refuse to let you feel in any way that my decision to do that had ANYTHING to do with how you raised me.

I am still Daddy's Girl, I am still Mommy's Minime. I am still that girl that looks up to her daddy and misses being carried away to bed and tucked it. I am still that little girl that is amazed by her mother and how many lives she touches everyday. I am not perfect but in my mind I was raised by the best 2 people God couldve EVER given me. You are my rock, my foundation, and the reason I am who I am. I love you so much and I could go on and on but Ill wait. You are celebrating 40 years of marriage this year and I can only hope to experience the same thing. I look at you play, I look at you laugh with each other, I see you argue, I see you agree, but mostly I see you love. Ive never lacked love. I heard it everyday. So even tho this little girl went from ponytails to....ponytails Im still the one who looked up to you both as my heroes. I am a mother now and I can only hope that Ill be as great of a parent as you both were to me. Braylon loves you both more than you know. Mai and Pop Pop. You may not realize it but I watch you with him and I see myself and I cant help but smile because hes as lucky as I am to have you in his life. I love you more than words can say!

Sugarpie/Boots

Day 2: My Crush

2010-10-19T10:00:00.000-04:00

Merlin,

From the day I saw you, I knew it would never be more than a crush but I somehow enjoyed pretending you were mine since Middle School. The way you smiled, the way you spoke, to the way you dressed. It was something about your demeanor. Something about the aura you gave off. Something about you. I found myself believing that I wasnt just another girl, but that somehow if you ever met ME, Id be the one. Then I realized every girl felt that way. "If he just met me 1 time", "If he just saw me and we had eye contact", "If he knew I existed, He'd see how cool I was.". Hahaha. WOW at how I thought I was the perfect 1 and the only 1 who felt that way.

Then it happened. After I grew up and thought crushes were meant for those "Teenagers". I was too OLD to crush now! My mind was on my books, my career, and success. Little did I know, that Middle School CRUSH was still buried deep down in my soul. BUT...THEN...I met you. FAMU 2001. So random but it happened. Did I think it was fate? No. I had a man lol.
A drop dead gorgeous man at that(talk about him in a later blog...back to the regularly scheduled program) Ahem...
I didnt force myself in your eye sight, I sat there and ate my wings. When I realized you were enjoying the attention of the "ladies" I came to the conclusion that you were a playboy & I rolled my eyes. I wasn't gonna be THAT GIRL. Hell, I just wanted to say hello...I think... I then got up with my girl Kia and walked out. Someone yelled "Aye!", I looked back yelled "B", & kept it movin. About 10 minutes later you walked out on the set & sat next to me right in front of the TV Room. You asked my name, & I gave it. You asked if I had a "dude" & I said yes. You said you respected that, got up, shook my hand and started walkin away. My heart dropped...Then you turned around & smiled at me. Why I felt the need to throw up I dont know but I managed to smile back. THAT was it. But I felt something. I waited by the phone, then realized I never gave you my number. You did however find my AOL Instant Messenger. "Aye, dis you? From Fam? Its Merlin.". Luckily it was me or some random chick now had your info lol...Ill never forget the day we started Instant Messenging. It was like I didnt know how to write anymore. I took forever just to figure out a way to say Hello. When I did write "Whats up" you had already signed off. Then you came back on and we had an hour conversation. Never once did either of us bring up our relationships, dating or even a crush for that matter. It was just comfortable and deep down I couldnt help but feel like I did years before "If he only met me, he'd see how cool I was.". I knew I was right. But the chance never came for me to express my true feelings because months later you were called for too early. You were Definitely Gone TOO SOON.

R.I.P. (My Crush)
Merlin Santana

1976-2002

Day 1: My Best Friend

2010-10-18T10:04:00.005-04:00

Lauren Lauren Lauren,

Girl from the day we first met till now its been a journey. You never ceased to amaze me with how great of a friend you are. From holding my head on your shoulders and wiping my tears, to literally fist fighting the night before your wedding. You are one of the most important people in my life and without you I don't know where I would be. Your constant support and refusal to let me fail or fall has been more than a blessing. I will never take you for granted and I will never let this friendship go.
Ive watched you become so successful in your career despite your trials and tribulations & believe me when I say your Grandfather is looking down on you and smiling. He is so proud of you and hes right there next to you thru everything.

Enough of the mushy stuff...
We have memories for days that we have to take to the grave. From the drunk nights to the ghetto pool slide! I will never forget that night you waited for me when I was walking around your neighborhood in the RAIN like I was in Love Jones with Mr You Know Who trying to figure out our relationship. Who knew we'd go thru some crazies with dogs and others who turned gay to finally finding our Prince Charmings! lol WOW!

I still remember telling you when I was pregnant. Your reactions I swear are so real and so honest but yet in some ways so wrong hahahahahaha. I love you for that. You know everything about me. I know everything about you. Standing next to you at your wedding was such and honor because you deserve so much to be happy. Braylon, Mr Ring bearer, enjoyed himself too Auntie Lawen lol. You already know when I walk down the aisle you're gonna be right there beside me dancing and all.

I will never forget the nights we woke up and could describe the whole night by saying "Dog..." or "What the F?". The simple fact we can stay on the phone and not say 1 word for 5 minutes because a show is on but not want to hang up is kinda ridiculous tho hahaha. I love you girl. You mean standing on rocks in heels and dresses to me. You mean riding Roller Coasters in Lightening Storms to me. You mean taking shots till they taste like water to me. You mean fist fighting and hair pulling in the driveway to me. You mean changing clothes in the car when a huge Semi stops next to us to me! You mean cursing out chicks in the club in our younger years to me. You mean "What happened last night, & why am I wearing this?" to me. You mean "Hey you up, I need to talk (at 5AM) to me. You mean those memories I cant write on here to me lol. Thru allllll these years, OMG we're old, we have so many memories. Fun times, emotional times, good days and bad You are my true ride or die. You tell me when I'm right and you tell me when I'm wrong. Regardless if its a trip to the mall or staging a getaway and cursing each other out while we run....you are my BEST FRIEND and I love you.

Royce! '10/18/10

30 Letters 30 Days

2010-10-18T09:43:00.003-04:00

For the next 30 days I will be blogging 30 different letters. Ive seen quite a few people take on this challenge and I too will be participating. My friend Lori Calloway has also decided to take on this challenge and we are doing it together. Check out her blog at: http://elevatorgoup.blogspot.com/ Thanks for the support and enjoy the next 30 days. Puttin it all out on the table! These are the letter challenges:

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

BASKETBALL WIVES ON VH1 APRIL 11, 10PM

2010-04-08T00:24:00.003-04:00

MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT THE SHOW! LETS GOOOO!!!!! HERES THE TRAILER LINK:

http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/500482/basketball-wives-supertrailer.jhtml#id=1635444

*SIGNED*
Twitter-Crazed Cheerleader
Twitter.com/RoyceLR
:o)
Oh yea, Imma take that and run with it! lol

Handle With Care.....

2010-02-10T23:06:00.007-05:00

Hello Everyone,

I'm writing this blog to address my dancing at the Superbowl Pool Party. I'm not going to pass blame on anyone but myself. What you saw on that video is not an accurate portrayal or description of Royce. Although a lot of you don't think it was THAT BAD or say that I was JUST HAVING FUN, I DO feel I took it too far. After having a few drinks and enjoying a great time I was encouraged to participate in the contest. I look at that video and to be honest I wish someone would've YOKED me off the stage lol. I wasnt smoking or doing drugs so I've learned to accept it for what it was. It's not something I'm proud of but Im also not going to pity myself and say Im embarrassed or ashamed because I'm not. I DID IT! I OWN IT! IT WAS ME! I'm a company owner, a friend and most importantly a MOM, a daughter and a sister. I don't like the way I looked on the video at all and im not going to CONTINUE to act like Im ok with it. So much has been written about me in the past that has been untrue and I feel like this incident has given people something tangible to hold against me. I am human therefore I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes. This was a mistake that I wont repeat. Throw the rock, hide your hand...I still got hit! I'm still a project God is working on. I have a LONG way to go. I'm still strong and I'm still standing!

Youtube LINKS to our Fantashique Show 1/19/10

2010-01-24T21:29:00.003-05:00

Enjoooooy!
COPY AND PASTE!!!

(This link includes the Vocalist in the beginning)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtNDSEQQ7nc

(A different edit of just the dance)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbF_2huSmT4

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T01:00:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year to everyone. Im extremely excited and ready for this year. I have so many blessings Im ready to grasp and claim. Although I may not be super religious I do know God is Real and God is Good! 2009 was a test of faith and maturity and I think I conquered it for the most part. I am not perfect but I think I did well. I never gave up and I never let drama or negativity consume me. I simply walked away. Thank all of you so much for all your support and prayers and please keep them coming. Im taking 2010 head on and I promise to make those that matter proud. Im on a mission to pursue my career again and I have the drive and determination to do that again. My pride is back and my life is happy. Ill post about my plans for this year sometime tomorrow or Saturday and Im really excited about them. Im smiling again genuinely and Im giddy with joy! I love all of you that have never given up on me and have always said "Royce, you know who you are and WE who know YOU, know who you are...thats all that matters"....well you know what? Youre right! That is all that matters! Im sitting here smiling with Braylon wide awake next to me hahaha and I think hes feeling the energy of happiness and success too! Happy Freakin New Year Everyone! Be safe! Be Blessed! Be Happy! Be You! 2010 HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GNITE!

When Keepin It Real Goes Wrong (UPDATE)

2009-12-16T17:48:00.007-05:00

Ok, Now its my turn to address the situation that has been going on. 1st and foremost I dont post on message boards nor do I tell anyone to post on any message boards. Anyone who knows me knows Im the type of person you love or you hate. I dont lie and I dont sugarcoat. Ive always been an extremely blunt person and have always told ppl dont ask me a question you dont really want to know the answer to. With that said, YES i have an injunction that forbids me to say a certain name and guess what ITS NO SKIN OFF MY BACK. I signed it, it wasnt court ordered or forced on me by a judge so that misconception is wrong! I have a College Degree (working on getting my Masters), im not stupid, I know what I can and cant say or do! TRUST! Now, moving on, I have a 2yr old to raise and no1 is thinking about what hes going to hear when he gets older and what i wont be able to shield him from. Everything I say or do, I think about him and how he will feel about it when he gets older. I get frustrated like every other woman in the world so dont judge me but I know you will. In reference to things being said....lemme say this...as you will soon see, I dont bite my tongue much. If I say something about anyone or anything, I say it as ME, as ROYCE REED! Not anyone else! Not any anonymous person on the internet hiding behind a fake name HENCE THE INJUNCTION! To anyone who does that ummm....If youre SO REAL why are hiding behind a message board with emoticon avatars and screen names that barely make any sense? Just a question. Please believe I respect a person more that tells me to my face they dont like me vs trash talking over the web. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion including me but difference is...its Royce's opinion not gentlesexyboo or any other names ppl decide to make up...yes, i just made that up, feel free to use it if its not taken. Anyways, im not gonna spend much time on this but i will say the best defense is truth and it will come out. I havent lost any sleep over any of this because Ive never lied about anything and I have proof! My only suggestion is, before any1 places judgment based off of what someone they trust has said because they dont BELIEVE they would lie to them, get both sides to the story. Im no longer mad at or dislike a lot of ppl because after talking to a few I realize a lot of lies were told that they too believed. I cant help that and now things have gotten so out of hand this has to play out in the Public Eye. I can only say that my son is extremely happy, hes very smart, loves school and doesnt know what is going on. I can say Ive done my research and read up on the pros and cons of my situation and im making the best out of it. I can say that I am truly loved and appreciated by those that matter and a smile is still on my face. I wake up every day to a cheesy dimpled smile that says "Mommy, I love you". Thats all I need and all this other MESS is on the back burner.

Im very proud of my son and like any other proud parent I enjoy showing him off on my PRIVATE facebook and Twitter accounts. Who doesnt? My child will NOT grow up in a bubble! Obama is our President and we know what school his kids go to. We see them everywhere. No1 is passing judgment on how much his daughter are seen in magazines are they? I protect my son everyday and I use discretion! But my bad, I 4got that all the actors, actresses, athletes, doctors, teachers, McDonalds workers in the world dont have high profile children. OOPS! What WAS I thinking? Im supposed to pretend he doesnt exist. Kinda like how no1 knew abt him till he was 2mos old. lol...Anyways, on the contrary, my son is my heart and I will NEVER put him in any compromising or dangerous situations! I look on my friends/family pages and see pics of their kids all the time. What is the difference? Lastly, I have NOT PLASTERED photos of him all over the internet and I find it funny the 1's u do see are at what location/venue? Who took those and allowed them to be everywhere? I had no sayso, if i did...I wouldve smiled for the camera! I only post pics with him alone or with me, my family, or friends.<-catch that? Anyways, I grew up with a prideful family... So will my son!

To everyone sending me messages, emails, DMS, etc I really do appreciate your words and support. They mean alot. The saying "If u stir in Sh!t, it'll smell" is very real. I have been trashed since the day Braylon was born to now and probably will be in the future. Ive been called every defamatory statement I can think of. I have been lied on and put into situations that Ive never even been close to or a part of. Ive been fired from gigs or not hired for jobs because of hearsay and my situation. I have been tied to ppl ive never met, and told ive experienced things I didnt know existed. Yea it hurt, yea i cried a few times, yea I screamed, I even went to therapy <-yea seriously, but in the end everyone told me... u know its not true and if you dont pay attention to it or react to it, it will go away...and guess what, it did. Not 100%...i mean even a snake can slither around with a rock on top of em but if no 1 takes that rock off and exposes him to the rest of the desert, he wont get far and he'll eventually get tired and die. I chose to let it die...theres always gonna be snakes, but they always get tired when ignored and not fed. With that...IM OUTTIE! HollER...

*MESSAGE*

Lawyers Statement:

2009-12-11T08:44:00.002-05:00

We have examined the contents of that suit, and Ms. Reed is flabbergasted that it was filed without any attempt to even ask her if she had anything to do with the complained of matters in that suit. Ms. Reed has absolutely no knowledge of, nor was involved in, or otherwise was a part of, the complained of disparagements mentioned in that suit. Instead, Ms. Reed fully and unconditionally condemns them.
In addition, and as mentioned in that second suit, the parties had reached a good faith settlement of this very dispute on October 28, 2009, and Ms. Reed consented to the Court’s order of injunction as a result of that amicable settlement, and she considered the matter resolved. This as an unfortunate event that is not at all of Ms. Reed’s making, and she looks forward to full vindication by the Court.

Your LIFE can be changed...

2009-11-29T17:45:00.008-05:00

Ive been thinking alot lately about my life and how much its been changed at the hands of others. Im going to pour it out right now cuz its some things that need to be said.

My whole life my parents reared me to be a free-standing spirit. Independent, intelligent, strong, opinionated and successful. When I went to College I was a Virgin to everything. Id never been to a black school nor had I ever had a Boyfriend. I wasnt allowed to date till I graduated because in my parents minds "Having a boyfriend is not a requirement to graduate!". I was never involved in all the parties or all the drama because I was never around to be "in it". I was in dance, competitive cheerleading, gymnastics, piano, and school. I had friends and I was popular for being Royce...the good girl. For the past 10 years Ive been asking myself what happened because from my knowledge I was the same Royce. Yea I had a boyfriend, matter of fact ive had 5 since 1998. All 5 played a strong part in my life and add 1 minor relationship and they are the only people ive ever "been with". Yea I just put myself out there. I lost my virginity at 20. Thats a whole different story and I didnt add that situation in my numbers. I never knew with sex came drama. Its almost like I was opened up to a whole different realm of life. I was now subject to ridicule and hate. I got the man, this girl wanted, or that girls ex. Orrrrr, Im now a whore because I turned this guy down, or didnt give him my number. Isnt that an oxymoron??? My 1st Boyfriend was killed in a car accident, my 2nd was the 1 that turned into one of my best friends, my 3rd I got into 2 fights over because he was 1 of the HEART Throbs in school that everyone swore I was gonna marry. The 4th one turned psycho and thought i was cheating on him with a gay guy who was in the play "Dreamgirls" we were rehearsing for. I was now having to fight off rumors of being with this dude or that dude and at 1 point some1 said they heard I was a lesbian. WOW! Funny huh... but that was College. That was the 1st time Id ever been labeled negatively and I was soooo ready to graduate I ran across the stage when they called my name 1st...yea really...its on tape. Those rumors never really went anywhere long since ppl KNEW ME but I guess it was fun for chicks to spread mess because it made them feel better...oh well. Then I went back to my 3rd...and that would last a few more years on and off till I met my 5th...Number 5 has changed my life the most...in good and bad ways. I cant speak too much on this 1 but I loved him. Too much some might say. Number 5 is the reason I say your life can be changed...I thought i left the childishness in College...little did I know it was just getting started...Now I was about to take on a different realm of females and dudes...called Haters!....Life...

Again, how did I go from being a diamond in the rough to someone ppl have made up all these rumors about. Apparently, Im supposed to brush it off and not read things posted about me but Im human. I take my reputation seriously and it hurts so bad to see all these false accusations made about me. It makes me so sad, angry, and hurt that sometimes I just scream or go off. I know most things that are posted are from people who just get mad to see their crush with someone. So then, they get online and come up with the most random stories or try to make up something that could SEEM to be true to make the 2 involved think and question each other. Misery loves company and I fall for it everytime. Im sure alot of the ppl who started these lies are reading this and are smiling right now but like Ive said before and the quote I try to live by "Never plot against some1 tht God has his hands on! I never hav 2fight my own battles.He does it 4me!". Karma is REAL & I cant fix a house I didnt build! If you are that miserable and that hateful that you have to ruin my reputation and make up all these things about me, its not saying much about u. Not that you should care but I have a 2yr old to raise as a single mother because YOU were unhappy with someones choice. You took it in your own hands to spread lies thru the internet that it the new root of all evil. Now theres alot of hatred in my heart for someone i once loved due to many instances that were caused by drama. But its over so you can stop. The fork in the road? Different paths were chosen and nothing ever said those roads ever meet again because last I check they went totally different ways. I have moved on and I am dating someone new that knows the REAL ROYCE and knows that i am NOTHING of what your internet devils have tried to make me out to be. So yea, you hurt me, you made me cry, you made me feel like I wasnt worth much, you made me lose someone i really did love and wouldve gone thru hell and stood on the sun for but im human...Im also Gods Child tho... So I will say this...You may win by hindsight...you may win by material things, but eventually your heart will catch up to you and you will feel horrible about ruining something God had his hands on but the Devil let you and anyone else who made up, spread, reposted, listened to and didnt stand up for or defend tear apart. Its not about being fair, thats childish. Its not about doing whats right or wrong. Its about you. I wake up everyday a little less hurt because I have someone who truly cares about me and wont leave me because of something someone says to him or something he reads. I wake up everyday a little less hurt because I know God has his hands on me and although i dont go to Church everyday he knows I kneel everynight and when things get to hard I turn to him and not against him. I used to think "why me?" Now I know it WAS ME because Im strong enuf to handle it and I deserve the best and My son deserves the best. Despite the lies you continue to spread and the evil you still possess Im still standing.

ITS that time again!

2009-10-27T09:42:00.002-04:00

Time to reflect on the past year! Its been a good one. Some ups and downs but mostly ups! Brays gone thru several stages and I have to admit I NEVER thought you could love someone so much it hurts! He is my life and I scream that to the world every chance I get! I take pictures, videos, everything of him almost everyday and he looooooves to be on the camera. Sometimes i hook it up to the TV just so he can see himself live and hes goes crazy. Its hilaaaarious! To think this time last year he had only been walking a lil over a month and now hes running, jumping, climbing, talking, singing lol, yelling, and givin me kisses and hugs every chance he gets! I love him so much it scares me. I put him before myself and my career, i put him before ME period! Hes the #1 in my life. To hear him say Mommy, or ask me to kiss his booboos is the best! I enjoy motherhood so much and I feel as if Ive overcome the stereotype of single mothers. Im not bitter, Im HAPPY! Im not ashamed, Im PROUD! Just like every1 else with kids, married or not, I like to show off my son too! Like every1 else I think my child is SPECIAL...in a good way lol! I make sure I take pics of him regularly because God forbid something happen, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE AND HE WILL BE FOUND QUICKER than those whom youve never seen! Watching CNN and Nancy Grace, and all the specials the show on Primetime about kids safety ive learned its a good thing to have pictures circulating in mass because when people NOTICE a child they get saved. Remember that parents. Test your kids as soon as possible with a friend your child has never met and see if they go to them. Teach them to bite, and fight in self defense. Teach them to scream even if some1 says not to in certain situations. Dont wait until something happens to post pics/vids of your child, by then its normally too late! To some people they dont understand this, to others its all too familiar. I remember when Braylon had a nanny and she took him to the Park around the corner from my house and without knowing my lil cousins and their Nanny was there. My lil cousin went up to her nanny and said "Isnt that Braylon (shes 4), and her Nanny immediately called my Aunt(the grandmother) and told her Braylon was at the park with a lady she'd never seen. My Aunt called me and told me and of course I laughed but then I said describe her to make sure. From that day on I realized if your child is recognizable it throws up red flags when ppl see them with some1 other than you and they start asking questions. One time Brays nanny had taken him to a mall in Winter Park and she told me 2 guys kept looking at her strange, now granted a phone call wasnt made nor did they approach her but they did send me a camera phone picture to my facebook of her and Braylon! These are my testimonies and maybe they wont work for everyone but for me, its a form of safety in a world full of chaos! Braylon is almost 2...in less than a month we will be celebrating the only way we know how...BIG! I cant wait and Im going to spoil him like crazy! Custom designed cake, a new car (yes a new car...power wheels ppl lolol), Mickey Mouse and friends, and more! Hes my baby, he deserves the BEST! HollER!!!!!

The Duck that Quacks DOESNT ALWAYS get shot!

2009-10-15T23:57:00.003-04:00

Many times people are put into situations that they think they have no way out of. They think if they speak out or they ask for help it will soon backfire and turn on them. Theres a popular saying that I havent heard in a while until recently on an MTV program. That saying is "The Duck that quacks gets shot!". In so many ways Ive always felt this saying to be true. If you dont say anything things will get better. If you go with the flow it will change. It wont be this bad for too much longer. Dont put your business out there for the world to see. Better yet, DONT SNITCH! If thats the case how are you supposed to be saved? How are you supposed to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and be proud of what you see? How are you expecting CHANGE if no one knows the SITUATION? I believe in God too but I also dont believe in being STUPID! There are those of us who arent afraid to Quack! Dodging bullets is something our ancestors did and if it werent for them we wouldnt be where we are today! If they didnt Quack, we'd still be sitting n the back of the bus or going in thru the back door. If our generation didnt Quack Barack Obama wouldnt be our president! There are other situations in LIFE that deserve a Quack, deserve a voice, deserve to be told, deserve to inspire, and deserve to be seen. If everyone was afraid to Quack because of fear that has been placed on them by heirarchy Im pretty sure alot of dreams would have been missed and alot of lives losts. So with that said, I used to be that duck that sat back and watched everyone else Quack because apparently it was the right thing to do. But after realizing that you can only circle the same lake a certain number of times before you lose yourself and your dignity, its now my turn to QUACK and whether or not I get shot is in Gods hands not mine, and certainly not yours. So QUACK QUACK!

Internet Balls!

2009-10-14T11:40:00.003-04:00

INTERNET BALLS also commonly known as Anonymous Balls!

This is the 1 I dont like. THis is the 1 that most ppl who talk ish on the internet suffer from.

Do you post on anonymous GOSSIP sites with names like Unceremonious, or asdfjkl but then have so much to say about another individual?

Do you talk about how different you are and if you ever met that person you would do this or that, but you DO see them on a regular basis?

Do you go back and forth with other Internet ball headcases because they make you feel better about your decisions to bad mouth a person who you wish you were?

I could go on and on. My point is this...Before you talk about how real you are maybe you should post your REAL BIRTH GIVEN NAME not a noun or verb or a name you found on the internet and claim its yours! Before you send me crazy a** messages and threats maybe you shouldnt send it from a name like carebear2423. Better yet, before you talk about how much of a whore I am but cant give 1 name so you make up lies that everyone with a brain knows isnt true; how bout you get your jealous a** up and do something productive with your life. You sit around on a computer hatin on anyone who has the life you wish you had so you attempt to make their life miserable. It doesnt work! I dont get mad about anonymous post, they just irritate me. See the difference is, I dont NEED Twitter, or Facebook or anything else. It was nothing for me to delete 800ppl off my Facebook nor was it hard to delete my Twitter. You sad individuals who do these anonymous postings LIVE for this stuff because you have nothing else going for you in life nor do you have any desire to change. Why would that bother me? Its irritating, sad but also funny because i know its envy! I told you all before to Keep Talkin Ish, Youre Makin Me Famous and I want to thank you for it because you definitely did your job! Loves ya!

Text Balls!

2009-10-14T11:02:00.003-04:00

Am I the only one with this syndrome?

Do you say things in writing that in most cases have never come out my mouth.

Do you send text messages that sound so evil and so mean but the TV in the background is on Toddlers and Tiaras while youre drinking Koolaid...Red Flavor???

Have you "kept it real" on Twitter but your profile is on private so you leave it to others to RT your messages?

Have you told someone to "say it to your face"...but you said it on Facebook???

I call this syndrome Text Balls! Not to be confused with Internet Balls! Imma touch on that next! Text Balls is a syndrome in which you post or text something from YOUR PHONE, YOUR TWITTER PAGE, AND YOUR FACEBOOK OR ANY OTHER SITE THAT INCLUDES YOUR ACTUAL BIRTH GIVEN NAME! <---yall see what im gettin at? Text balls is NOT entirely excusable, however, but at least you have the BALLS to say/write it yourself AS YOURSELF! Whether its heat of the moment, whether you mean it or not, whether its something that shouldve been said or not at least youre not afraid to post it as YOURSELF! In this case, its more respected because youre not hiding behind an anonymous name....
In some cases text balls can cause harm, hurt, and anger but at least in most cases when the issue comes up if there is a feeling in which you would like to apologize for something you said or something you did, its possible. That to me is being as REAL as you can be online!

I have text balls lol. So if you ever get me to actually verbally GO OFF, THATS BAD! So ive come back to blogging. This is my purge and I stopped for a while because I was constantly being judged BUT thats not my concern anymore. Writing keeps me sane and keeps me from getting angry. So if I dont blog...someone may get my raft! Let me write or you might get cut!<-figure of speech before someone says Im threatening them like ive been threatened about some1s gun cabinet! Always my word against theirs apparently and id never be found! Hmmmmm.....and that wasnt a text...that was verbal! That was REAL! I believe it!

Soooo YES! Its True!!!

2009-10-14T10:44:00.002-04:00

When I was on Twitter and before I cut 90% of my Facebook friends, alot of ppl were asking me about the Reality Show. Ive been sent links from a Radio Interview my friend Shaunie did and after it was on a Local Radio Station here in Orlando I guess I can stop giving the side-eye look or pretending like I dont know what anyones talking about lol. Yes, Im doing a reality show with a few other BEAUTIFUL,WONDERFUL, INTELLIGENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN! Shooting should be starting soon and Im extremely excited for you all to see what Ive been up to as well as the other exciting women in the cast. Its going to be real and although its based on our lives as NBA Wives, Ex-Wives, Ex-Girlfriends/Fiances, and Mothers its also a look into how biased, stereotyped, categorized, and emotional the situations can be. We are all diving into our careers and making a name for ourselves rather than JUST having that Title! I dont want to give too much away but it will definitely be a show thats inspiring and not negative! It will be a show that has its drama of course but not ignorance....from the cast at least! You all know Im very vocal and emotional and once you cross me I can make your life hell! However, it takes ALOT to get me to go off but once I get there, I go all out lol. Thats who you will see! Im as real as it gets! I hold nothing back! You only get 1 life so live it to the fullest, especially since youre not promised tomorrow! Get ready! Its coming!

Im Baaaaack!!!!!

2009-10-14T10:43:00.000-04:00

Hello All,
I am back to blogging so stay tuneddddd! Alot of updates to come!

twitter.com

2009-06-21T04:28:00.002-04:00

Follow me on Twitter!

Twitter.com/RoyceLR

FANTASHIQUE!

2009-03-22T23:27:00.002-04:00

Hello Hello!
Well after the longest weekend ever I am happy to say Fantashique is now OFFICIAL! We had our 1st MAJOR photoshoot on Saturday and the girls look SIKKKK! OMG Im soooo excited about how the photos came out! Stay tuned later on in the week for a few photos or visit Fantashique.com for a few details on what and who we are! Peace out!

ESPN "Outside the Lines"

2009-03-18T10:57:00.005-04:00

Well, Hello Hello!
First and foremost I want to thank those of you who have been sending me emails, myspace and facebook messages supporting the decision I made to do the interview. It was done back in late October when I was going through a lot of drama dealing with threats, defamation of character and slandor. My purpose for doing the show was not only to have a voice for myself but all the other females out there who may date an athlete in the spotlight or not, as well as a lawyer, doctor, or anyone who society deems as a person living in a high lifestyle. They gave me a chance to speak on behalf of the woman who dont fit the stereotype regardless of what others may say. I know people will continue to talk negatively about me and find something wrong with me doing the show but Ive gotten so much praise and thank yous it really doesnt matter. I have never been 1 to sit around and let ANYONE assume things about me. Im stronger than that and I will always stand up for myself. Thats the difference between being a Leader and a Follower. Ill always be a leader and Ill always be strengthened not only by God and my Faith but also by my courage and pride. God NEVER makes mistakes! Lastly, I want to thank ESPN for letting me do the interview and making sure I came across fair and real. They didnt sugarcoat nor did they twist my words. I appreciate that and have a whole new respect for them as a company. Thank you! Below are a few of the emails I received that really meant a lot to me and that I will keep close to my heart! Lovies uuuuu!

-----I am single dad who pays child support, and i wanted to let you know, that you spoke with class and came across genuine. You shattered the typical sterotypes of most moms. I sometimes feel like men get screwed in court, but i believe in you and your thoughts.

-----I saw your interview on ESPN and I felt extremely bad for what you have to go through being mother of a famous persons child. Just about what you said about the names people call you and make judgements on you w/o knowing the whole story or even who you are as a person.
I too went through that. My daughters mom is a Pastor's kid. She wasnt the tipical freak that we tag preachers kids as; she was an angel in the eyes of all. After she got pregnant I was just the dude who moved from philly with no other agenda but to get her pregnant. And after our relationship fell apart it got worse w/people's comments. I became extremely depressed and actually started believing I was what they called me.
Well enough of my story, I wrote this to just say that not all people who don't know you think those bad things about you. You look as if you really have that mother child connection in love w/your son. All that matters in the end is that God is pleased with what you did as a person and parent.
Wish you the best

-----"There is no way she can be of this world!" Never before had they seen such a beautiful girl. So sweet and innocent was she, everyone swore they were all in the same dream. Was she from down south? Was she from up north? or was there an angel right here on earth?

-----Hey Royce, my name is T. I just want to let u know that I'm proud of u and I look up to ur strength..I know how it feels to have haters come against you..I'm a cast member of the new season of (xxxxxxxxx) and the experience was horrible, so I just am being strong by looking at people like u and Vanessa Williams who have faced adversity by a lot of people and keep pushing..I'm and dancer and I've looked up to u and K since I was in high school when u did the magic..just want to tell u to keep being strong because when u do people like me find strength when u continue to press on! You are definetly one of my role models.. stay blessed girl

-----Hi Royce, Im not trying to sound silly, but my guy isn't an allstar, yours is. So hearing that from you, will reach a greater audience I think. Not that the rest of us shouldn't sign off on what was said, because I most certainly do, but we wouldn't have gotten the headlines like you did and I know from a few other ladies in our situation are very VERY happy about what you did. I almost feel like we should all write to like baller alert and media take out and be like screw you. But they'd prolly twist it into the trashy pretty rich wives attack. So whatever, I defend you. Don't worry. Every chance I get.

-----Thanks. You took a risk for a lot of women like me, and I appreciate it, I really do! I hope to see you when they play the kings girl! I will most definitely fly down for that one

-----Royce, I do not know you (you already know this), but I watched ESPN's On the Line segment, and I would just like to say I am really proud of how you handled yourself. I have never been put in your situation, but it always makes me happy to see an College-Educated, and Strong Black Woman, portray herself in the manner that you did. God always finds a way to use someone else's struggle and strength to encourage others, and I hope that your story will be able to help someone else out there. It's really unfortunate that there are people out there who can slander someone's character, they are about as bitter as McCain was when he called Obama "That One". Either way, I'm ranting... God Bless, and best of luck with your future endeavors!

THE ONE THAT MEANT MORE TO ME THAN ANY WAS THIS ONE...SHORT AND SWEET:

-----Your son has a great mom in you. Good job on your interview. Much respect!

Random Thoughts...

2009-03-07T21:50:00.003-05:00

You know...
Its weird how some days I can feel so in control of my life and then others I just melt down. Its really hard being a single mother and as much as I love my son I need my breaks just like anyone else. I feel so bad sometimes when I say that because I love each and every moment I spend with him but with me trying to start this new company since the Dance Studio had to close Im always stressed. I find myself lashing out alot or just being mean sometimes. I dont do it on purpose but when your life seems to never slow down you start losing yourself. Theres also the saying "Misery loves company" and omg it is sooo true. I find myself caring about what people say and letting their words get to me when all theyre trying to do is bring me down. That being said theres another saying "When they stop talking is when you need to worry" and thats the one I want to believe in. As long as my name is in peoples mouths that means Im doing something right enough to make them envious of me. Therefore keep talkin ish youre makin me famous and I LOVE IT! With that epiphany, however, I now have some help and its truly a blessing! A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im able to Live and Love unconditionally without the stress and worrying about drama! Im definitely human and Ive definitely made some mistakes in my life or decisions I may not not have repeated had I known the way they wouldve turned out but not one of those mistakes or decisions I question have ANYTHING to do with my son. I will never question Gods Gift nor will I question the trials and obstacles he puts me through. I believe all the stress, drama, tears, screams, fights, etc were ways on testing me and my faith. Will I always kneel or will I walk away? I made a promise a year and a half ago that I will live through him. No, Im not perfect and no I have not completely lived these past months strictly through him but thats the point. Im not God! Im not supposed to be Him. Im supposed to be Royce and try my hardest and with that pleasing myself, my son, and my God. I am trying. I fall sometimes but a Saint is just a sinner who fell down and GOT UP! So Im gonna always get up, Im gonna always stand! It make take a few hours, days, weeks, even months but I will stand and I will be proud of myself and walk with my head held high when I do it.

Questionable IP Address...

2009-02-06T05:08:00.004-05:00

I post these mainly for security and safety reasons in case something, God Forbid, happens.
67.8.71.94 out of Orlando, FL downloaded over 20 pictures from this blog on February 1st around 16:29PM...that means 4:29PM Orlando time.

Ive DELETED my website Roycelyndsay.com as well as my public Myspace page roycesuperstar so Im just a little paranoid these days about things like this. You never know.

Also, just an FYI!
I now only have 1 myspace page. JUST ONE and Its for family and friends and they know what it is. I also only have 1 Facebook page! ONLY ONE and my family and friends know what that is also. I dont have ANY other profiles on any other sites AT ALL old or new. ZERO! This is also my only blog! ONLY! If you see someone claiming to be me please bring it to my attention. In the past month Ive had myspace take down 2 fake pages for people claiming to be me and making it seem like I was a stripper or that I did drugs! Real Talk! Please let me know! Thanks!

Super Sick...

2009-02-06T04:44:00.002-05:00

Yes, Ive been gone literally a month and its basically because my life has been extremely hectic but mostly in a good way. Im only writing now because Im sick and I cant go to sleep at 4:45AM. A few things have happened this past month both good and bad but mostly good and all are blessings...that I can see or not. Everything happens for a reason. Only bad thing is that we had to close down the studio. Why? Well our landlord wasnt paying the bills so our WHOLE plaza went into foreclosure and the bank was basically trying to force a new and extremely expensive lease on me. My decision? Um no and uh bye bye. We will probably reopen this summer or next summer in a building that Ill be looking to purchase if things go well. Im working on a new project that a lot of ppl have faith in also so keep your fingers crossed for that one...I cant say much more about it than that! Im also looking into getting a house at the end of this summer since Im outgrowing my townhouse big time. Im not too upset about the studio since everything except the graffiti wall was mine and portable so its all in storage. I didnt lose any investments so no tears just a lil heartbreaking for the kids that were having so much fun. Other than that everything else is great! I mean EVERYTHING! God definitely works in his own time not ours but hes always right on time. Yes I saw that mess a couple weeks ago and although it got 2 me for a quick minute I was immediately reassured I had no reason to be angry. People do a lot of nasty things when theyre intimidated or upset. At least I say it on my blog as ME! lolol. Oh well... evil doesnt win forever nor does it prosper. Ohhhh but okay.....everyone keeps laughing at me and no1 believes me but imma post it anyway so when yall hear about it yall can say "Royce said that!". I saw a Teradactyl! Yes, a dinosaur. It was flying in the air and no it wasnt a big Vulture! Im not crazy, I know what I saw! Laugh at me all you want but it WAS a Teradactyl or however you spell it! Imma try to go 2 sleep again now even tho my brain feels like its trying to escape my head! Is this what the FLU feels like? Ive never had it before so I dont know. If so, OMG! This is the worst feeling ever! I havent been this sick in YEARS! At least before the meds seemed to work for a lil bit. Right now they all seem to be rejected! Goodmornite!

okaaaay

2009-01-07T23:50:00.004-05:00

I know ive been EXTREMELY GHOST! I apologize! Life has been GREAT what can I say. This year has been awesome so far and everything is looking up! God is good and his WORD is definitely real! Ive been slapped a few times to get back on the right track and do the right thing and he is soooo good! If you are in touch with your Savior you are missing out! He is so blessing and he is always on time when you need him. I praise him everyday, some more than others to be honest but I KNOW he is real! Life is going great! Ive had a few trials and trials and tribulations but I got past it. The Devil is always at work but Ive learned how to not let him win! Ive been working hard and raising my handsome little boy. He bust his lip 4 the 1st time and I almost freaked out but I had to play it off cuz it was in front of a lot of people. Other than that hes doing great! So blessed! Thanks for your prayers and Ill try to post more!

2008-12-11T18:03:00.003-05:00

AWWWWWWW SHOOOOOOOT! I HAVE HIT THE 10,000 HITS MARK! Thanks for the love! Life is good! Everything is working out. God is definitely on my side and keeping my mind at ease. You know the saying "When life gets too hard to stand...Kneel!". Well 2 months ago I did that and ever since things have been slowly but surely picking themselves back up. I think God has a way of slapping you (meaning bringing obstacles you think you cant conquer) so you remember who He is and what He's there for. I tend to forget sometimes so he slaps me alot. Im learning tho. Im happy. Ive made sure that every night I pray and if I 4get to get on my knees on the side of the bed I give my thanks and promises to Him in my pillow. When I wake up I try to thank Him for life and if I forget, when I do remember, even if its 3PM I say it then. Theres too many blessings Ive been given to let small things get in the way. Im writing again which is a good purge for me so I dont always lash out and make rash decisions. Of course my deep thoughts go in my personal journal. Im excited Christmas is almost here. Its one of my favorite Holidays. I like baking and decorating and just the warm feeling you get around this time.

On another note...funny story...I went to get a Slurpee (Coke Flavored) the other night and my son was with me. This older lady comes up to me and first says "Put a hat on that babys head its cold outside". I looked at her, tried to stay respectful and said "We're inside now maam.". Mind you Braylon was wearing a Warmup Suit with that had a Hoody on it so clearly he had the hoody on when I first walked in the store. 2nd, she said "I tell you these kids these days havin these babies so young, just ruinin their lives". Okay sooooooo I said I TRIED to stay respectful right?! Well...when she made that statement she said it walkin off so I politely (NOT) said "Excuse me?". She turned around and she said it back to me "Excuse me?". I said "Did you say something?". She said "Youre a baby, you dont know how to raise a child, youre a child yourself. You cant be over 15 or 16". I had to catch myself but I said "Well, first of all maaaaaam, Im not a child, im 28 years old and Im a great mother. I have a College Degree and I own my own Company. But for future reference, even if I WAS 15 years old, youre not my mother and that doesnt give you a right to criticize my parenting. Have a good night.". Now, maybe that was kinda rude but I dont care. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ASSUME ISH ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE! EVEN IF I WAS 15 HOW DOES SHE KNOW IF I WAS A GOOD MOTHER OR NOT?! Anyways, like I always say, Braylon has and will ALWAYS have 1 mother. I dont need people puttin in their 2 cents. He's happy and Im always getting compliments on how well Im raising him...THAAAAAANKS! I laughed it off when I got home with my SuperSized Coke Slurpee! Woop Woop! Hahaha

Moving on... CAYLEE ANTHONY...WOW! I"ll have to touch on that tomorrow! But thank God they found her...

TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY!

2008-12-10T00:05:00.006-05:00

Today was such a good day I had to blog about it. Every part of it was awesome. Thats why I chose that photo. Love, Friendship and Hugs. 1st I have to give a shout out to my mom...its her Birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! Whats funny is she has never even seen this blog. Until last week she thought I meant blog on myspace. Shes not too keen on this idea because she knows how I can vent sometimes and write unnecessary things or put out too much information about my personal issues. Gotta love her. Shes right but Im learning. I bought a journal so I put all the deep stuff in there.

First, however, Id like to give this weeks shout out to the Dentist Office in Maitland. I wont put your full business name on here since I dont get paid for advertising. Youve been coming to my blog 4 times a day, everyday and I really appreciate it! Thanks for the love! (wink wink).

2nd! I had a really good conversation with someone today who really put my heart at ease. Thanks a bunch! I feel a lot better! Hope...Faith....and God!

3rd! All my Christmas decorations are up and Braylon looooooves them! He's been trying to grab all the Tree Ornaments and anything else he can reach but its fun seeing his eyes get big and glow when he sees the tree light up or the candles lit. Theres a Christmas Winnie the Pooh thats his size also and he runs to it when he sees it. Its soooo cute. He LOOOOOVES Pooh Bear! This is his 1st real Christmas since last year he was still smushface and we didnt have ANY decorations at all cuz I was wakin up with him every hour. I was a Zombie in '07 now im a true Mommy in '08. I cant wait to start baking cookies and cakes next week and letting him lick the beater from the bowl like I used to...well still do lolol. Im anticipating getting all his gifts and putting them under the tree when he falls asleep. OMG Im so excited. But back to today. Braylon does not act like your average 1 year old. Hes been playing chase since he was 9 months old and 2day he started putting his toys back in his toy chest. I was soooo shocked. I know its a small thing but to me its a big deal. I watched him with my mouth wide open and he turned around after he put 1 toy in and smiled...then he ran to me laughing. It was the cuuuuutest thing. He knows the meaning of No also so each time he goes after a tree ornament and i say no he turns around, crosses both hands across his chest and lifts his shoulder up. Hahahaha. He is such an angel. Hes the biggest blessing in the world and I honestly cant imagine my life without him...like what did I do before lolol.

4th
I got the letter saying I can transfer my dance studio to Non-Profit! SO that means I can scholarship A LOT of kids and get them off the streets. Ill be able to do soooo much more than I can do now and Im extremely excited about that. I foresee my studio being the Alvin Ailey of Central Florida but more diverse!

Speaking of the Studio! The adult company aka the Elite Dance Company of Diversity Dance Company are performing as the Soul Entertainment this Saturday at 6PM. We are performing 4 routines at New Covenant Baptist Church in Orlando, FL for their Founders Day Celebration. Its going to be great! Theres 7 of us dancing this show! Come and show your support and join the Church if you havent found a Church Home and you like it. Ive been attending there for a while and I love it. Its not 2 big, not 2 small. Its just right and its very prestigious in Orlando. To learn a little about them go to Newcovenant.org. Mrs Bracy holds a delegate seat, Rev Bracy is president of the NAACP Chapter here in Orlando and they have done a lot for our City and beyond. I could go on and on about who attends the Church but that doesnt matter, its just a GREAT CHURCH and I love that everyone knows, helps, and give advice to each other!

5th...
Im alive! I woke up today! On top of that I woke up extremely tired, bought a new phone, and started my day. I thought it was going to be a bummer but as the time went on and the Holiday spirit got to me, the day just got better and better! I Love it! Im so happy right now! Im looking forward to what happens in the new year because I think a lot of things are going to change. Well, Ill rephrase that... I KNOW a lot of things are going to change and Im anticipating a lot of shock and happy people! lolol. Peace out! Holler! Im outttiiiiieeeeeeeee!

Back to work....

2008-12-09T01:40:00.003-05:00

Today I went back to work at my Dance Studio. When I tell you it all hit me at once, Im swamped. We have a show coming up where our Elite Company which is the adults are performing 4 dances that we have 3 days 2 make up, clean and perform to the utmost ability...and we will. Im not worried...just sore. Business is picking up and I think in order to get the inner city kids Im trying to help Im going to have to turn into a non-profit dance studio so they know for a fact its free. Its more about them than anyone else. Gotta love the kids....but speaking of kids. Im once again without a phone because Braylon my son broke mine AGAIN tonight while we were rehearsing. I could kinda tell it was done because he banged it one to many times before I could get it from him. You know that point where your head kinda tilts because you think you know something but you have no idea??? Yea, thats how it felt when he thru it down the last time and walked away from it like he was proud of himself. It was literally like 5 seconds before I got to him. Oh well, its just a phone. I didnt really like the G1 that much anyways....okay I did but I miss my sidekick. I kinda have this thing about buying the same phone in a row so after I dropped my sidekick in the water while I was getting a pedicure(dont laugh, I know my feet are ugly but I still try dangit lolol) I decided to get the G1. Now, Im going back to the kick... I really like the Blackberry Touch but Tmobile doesnt carry it so blah. On top of that...last night I decorated my place for Braylons 1st real Christmas. What can I say but it almost looks like a magazine...almost...Im getting there... Anyways, we built a Gingerbread House...it was really cute and I was soooooo proud of it. I put the house together myself and had some help putting on the candy. I was soooo excited! Well, after it was finished and I kept fighting everyone, even Braylon, from stealing all the candy balls, I took a shower to get all the frosting off. After that, I put Bray down to sleep and went back downstairs. My beautiful Gingerbread House...my Masterpiece...collapsed. The walls fell off and the side with the door was on the floor broken in half with my dog JJ eating the little pieces. I literally just stood by the stairs and looked at it. My mouth dropped. I was soooo proud of it yall! My heart sunk and then Christy walks in and just BURSTS out laughing! I just looked at her and dropped my head. I walked over, tried to put it back together then just settled for it laying on top of each other. Thats where it is now, and thats where it will STAY until the Day after Christmas! I had a picture, but I took it on my phone...we already know what happened with that lolol. Hahahahahaha! Well, Im sleepy now, so Imma call it a night. Im outtie! Hollerrrrr!

Back from Vacation...

2008-12-08T17:07:00.003-05:00

Well,
Hawaii was fun! I went with my parents, my brother and my son Braylon. It was soooo beautiful. I tell you, living in Orlando...well Florida period, we dont have anything that really screams culture. We also dont have the Natural Scenery that makes you stop and stare. I definitely didnt take my trip for granted. We went to almost every Beach on the Island of Kauai and also went to the Canyons, and waterfalls. We saw a Luau and I learned how to Hula Dance. They called me out from the audience during the actual show because they saw me learning earlier and thought I was good (they never knew I was a real dancer so thats our little secret lolol). One thing special about the island we were on was the fact that they had Roosters and Chickens running around like regular birds. NO LIE! It was crazy! We actually got chased by a Rooster when we were trying to get back in the car from the Souvenier Shop. Along with that I got my big Coconut and we chewed some wild Sugarcane. Oh, we also had some fruit that comes from Dubai called Rambuton...or something like that and it was sooooo good. Im a fruit freak so I looooove trying new fruits. Persimmons are my FAVORITE by far!

One of the beaches we went to was closed due to the high waves but we took pictures. They were literally 18-20 feet high! I was like dang is this Hawaii 5-O? I thought the movies just enhanced waves but when we saw them we were like wtf! They had some surf competition while we were there too and it showed a guy surfing a wave over 20 feet high wipeout and not come up for like 2 minutes. Everyone was like ummmmmm.....but hes fine. He didnt go back in tho hahaha. We ate pretty much everything cultural while there from pig to lychee nuts. I fed the birds that just fly in your room like they belong there. They eat out your hand and it makes you feel like youre in paradise. There were Turtle Doves, red birds, some bird that were black, orange and white and some others. I may sound lame but its the little stuff like that that makes me smile and happy. Doesnt take much huh? hahaha It was a great experience and I definitely want to go back. I love going to other Cultures and learning about them. I was born in Orlando but a lot of people ask me "What are you?". I say Black but yea I do have some other ish in me. Dominican, Seminole and just Black actually lol. I dont just say it, I really am...I just dont brag because I dont speak another language and although I was raised to know alot about my personal culture I still want to learn more. I love being BLACK! I love my history, my ancestors, what we as a people have come thru and become. Theres some races that have NO culture or traditions at all. I cant imagine that. I dont know how you would keep up a conversation with no culture, no traditions, no real history....what would you teach your kids...what would you talk about? I dont know I just think its kinda boring. Well, till later, Im outtie! Holler!

Great Weekend...

2008-11-26T22:43:00.004-05:00

Well, as you see in the Title of this post I had a GREAT Weekend. We (FAMU) won the Classic...actually we kicked their A's lolol. It was fun! The band was awesome as usual and the food vendors were as good as they always are. I went out Saturday night and had a ball. Sunday was Brays Birthday Party at Monkey Joes and it was soooo much fun! All the kids had a good time and you can never go wrong with giving them Pizza so that always works. After all it was about the kids and mainly Braylon! Everyone came together for this special day and it felt great! No drama, no tears, just love, peace and happiness. The way it should always be no matter what!

With tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I realize I have a lot to be thankful for. Thanks for my healthy and handsome little boy, my family, my friends, life, success, getting thru, strength, and happiness. I know Ive had some hard times this year and granted a few things need to be talked about personally and not blasted on my blog lolol but God has my life in His hands and Im mostly thankful for that. Ive found out a lot this past month and I think its helped me realize why a lot of things happened. Personal shout out to Officer ENR! I appreciate the IP trace. You changed my outlook on everything and Ive been able to forgive because they cannot see. Lastly, Id like to say that someone told me that its hard to accept things when theyre the way they are. My advice to that is.."You only have to accept the things you CANNOT change, not the things you CAN!". Remember the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

With that, I close and say God Bless you all and thanks for all your encouragement in your comments and mostly through your emails. Im off to Hawaii for a week and 2 days to stay in my parents Timeshare. We're going to have a great time! Its my first time going 2 Hawaii even tho Ive been everywhere else. I cant wait! Im outtie! Holler!!!!!!!

WHY...

2008-11-23T03:56:00.003-05:00

Has any1 besides me ever wondered why you always speak your mind and your heart after youve had a few drinks? Like 2nite...Its Classic Weekend...Saturday night...I had a ball...but towards the end of the night I started thinking....Thinking about ish thats happened in the past month and a half and I started hurting. It sucked. I was having so much fun. But like always, as things wind down you start thinking about life... I actually ended up going to someone and asking a question about something that happened 2 weeks ago. Why? Im not supposed to care... Why do we hold on to things that we KNOW arent meant to be... Things that we know we deserve better than... things that are staring us right in the face? I hate it. I let go... so i Thought. I want to let go...dont I? I think when ure tipsy you face reality to the point theres no barrier and you just dont care. You speak ur mind and u feel ur heart. Ure kinda forced to... and theres no way around it. I think thats a way of purging... a way of getting out the feelings uve locked in for so long and now u have to let them go. Tonight I realized that I was holding on...to hurt... I gotta let that go. I gotta realize Im not gonna get the answer why or what if...I just gotta let go...thats ok... finally. I know its not gonna happen overnight but I have to eventually let the past be the past so I can open my eyes to the future. On another note. I did have fun. I finally met my blog rival DO and he was actually really cool. I think my teeth are straighter but thats another argument. He was really sweet and I have to say that if things were diff...nevermind lolol. Im goin to sleep before I start typing too much. Im still a lil tipsy...

FAMU VS BCU Classic Weekend

2008-11-20T22:05:00.007-05:00

Whats up yall?! As most of you already know I am a Rattler and this weekend marks CLASSIC WEEKEND! The largest HBCU Classic in the World. YES ITS PROVEN so dont think Im just giving my opinion. This classic STILL hold the record for the Citrus Bowl here in Orlando with over 80,000 fans in the stands! Ive been sick the past few days but its hasnt kept me from taking Bray to the Character Breakfast and Seaworld for his 1st Birthday. Hes 1! OMG time flies and hes such a blessing! Just look at the picture from the day he was born till now. Hes grown so much! I love it but I miss it 2! Its going a little too fast! Well like I said this cold or whatever I have... It wont keep me from the game and goin out, nor will it keep me from Brays party on Sunday. If youre not in Orlando this weekend I feel sorry for you lolol just kidding but you will miss a great weekend! Goooo FAMU!!! As much as that school put me thru I realize it was all to teach me to get thru hard times and make me stronger.

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE...HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TO MY SON BRAYLON!

2008-11-18T09:31:00.001-05:00

Today marks the 1st Birthday for my little boy. This time last year Id just seen his face for the first time. After almost 3 days of labor I was told I had to have a C-Section. Id been having serious contractions and they were now about 2-3 minutes apart. I wasnt progressing and his heartrate started dropping again. The inserts werent working and they wanted to play it safe. They prepped me for an epidural and my mom prayed and held my hands while they put the long needle in my back. Soon after from my chest down I was numb. I said bye to my brother and he hugged me with a few words of support "Its gonna be okay...love you sidder". That was the moment when the idea of being a soldier and staying strong went out the window. I started crying. I was scared. Terrified. My mom hugged me and said she was wondering when I was going to break...well I finally did. One of my best friends Christy, and my dad were waiting for me. A few messages were sent to others who mightve wanted to be there but I realized I was gonna have to do this with my mom and that was fine. The rolled me in the room, put the sheet up, tied my arms down, and put the cap on my head. My mom and the nurse were talking to me and my upper body was shaking. I could barely speak I was so scared. Then at 9:31AM November 18, 2007, I heard my Dr. say "Grandma, you wanna watch?" My mom stood up and all I heard her say was "Oh my God, Oh my God, look at my Grandson!" and she started crying. I was saying I wanna see over and over again until I heard his cry. It was so faint, so small, so precious. At that moment I knew I was gonna be okay. They put him on my chest and let me kiss him. It was by far the best moment of my life. I will never forget that moment. After that they took him away to wash him up and finish my surgery. I didnt see him again for about 3 hours. When I got back to my room, everytime the door opened I thought it was gonna be one of two people. My baby or someone else. I got one in the deal and thats the one that matters. When they brought him in the room, nothing else mattered. His precious and innocent little face. So beautiful, so soft, such a blessing. I couldnt ask for anything else. The moment I was finally able to hold him for the 1st time is when I finally realized I was gonna be a great mom. I had no idea before that moment but once I held him the instincts kicked in. This was the person that was just inside me. I kept him safe for 9 months and now Im vowing to keep him safe the rest of my life. That whole day I held him unless the Dr needed to do a check, or one of my friends and family members wanted to hold him. Even when he slept he was on me. I didnt want to let him go. When we decided to turn on the TV that afternoon, we saw a game on. It was in Orlando. They won...I guess we both came out on top that day!

1 day before...

2008-11-17T18:24:00.002-05:00

Well, this time last year I was probably just waking up from an 8 hour nap. Yes NAP! Earlier in the day my painful contractions had gotten to be unbearable so instead of getting an epidural, I decided to take Stadol. Funny story... apparently when they were shootin me up with Stadol they had to use a chaser to make it go faster and it went a lot faster than planned. I dont remember what happened but I was told I went crazy hyper for 20 seconds then literally just fell over sleep. My mom told me that I started laughing and dancing and just acting realllllly happy. Then all of a sudden I just laid out on my pillow. I wish theyd recorded it because that wouldve been good for memories but nope no video :o(. Anyways, as of now Ive gone thru 2 Prostagladins inserts with no progress. Theyre supposed to last 12 hours so Im going to get one more im told. So Ive been in labor for 2 days. Nothing much happened today except I caused a few people to miss the game. Go FAMU! Hahahahaha. Tomorrow...different story...lets just say, it all came down at once...till 2morrow...

2 days...

2008-11-16T15:26:00.003-05:00

A year ago today at this time I was laying in a Hospital bed with all the wires and tubes sticking in me. I was being pampered at Winnie Palmer Hospital, the BEST Hospital for Women and Children. When I tell you I felt like I was at a resort that is NO LIE. The food was great and it was purely room service. Each room is set up literally like a hotel room with a bed for the mother giving birth and another for 1 family member. My person was my mother. My ROCK! I got a lot of visitors that day from my family and my friends who were in town for the Classic or who just lived in Orlando anyway. That was no 1 but God doing that because He knew I needed as much support as I could get and why not let it be when everyone is in town. Now, going back a few hours....

I was admitted into the Hospital Friday November 16, at 3:33AM. I thought that was weird because 3 is my favorite number. Id been in a LOT of pain the day before and I tried hard to sleep it off. I ended up calling my family around midnite to tell them I needed some1 to come and stay with me because I was in so much pain and might have to go in. My contractions had started again and this time were extremely painful. My brother came and watched TV with me upstairs until I fell asleep. I woke up gasping from a strong contraction and tried to yell for my brother. He was downstairs. I ended up having to throw the remote control at my door and he rushed in. I said out of breath and in tears "we gotta go, we gotta go, I cant take this". He tried to calm me down and asked me where my bag was (id been to triage so many times he knew the routine lol). I told him it was downstairs and he put it in the car before coming to get me. He walked me down the stairs and into the car. On the way to the hospital he called my parents and told them we were going in. They said ok let them know if I get admitted. We got to the hospital around 3AM. They took me in to monitor me about 5 minutes later. I was being monitored for about 20 minutes then they sent me back outside. The lady called me into the side room to sign paperwork. Thats when I knew but I needed to hear it. I asked whats this for. She told me "We're going to admit you because your contractions are close and they babys heartrate is dropping dangerously low. I immediately got scared and asked so what does that mean? When am I going home? She replied "Not until you have a baby". I turned around and looked at my brother who was smiling and I couldnt figure out how to feel. I was scared yes, but I was also anxious because I was going to finally see the human being whose been moving inside of me for all these months and kicking and punching me from the inside. Despite the pain, I felt comfortable and safe having him there because I had NO IDEA how to be a mother but I was ready to meet him all the same.

Once I got to my room I emailed everyone on my mailing list. My mom did the same thing when she got to work that morning to cancel all her appointments. I received a few phone calls and several visits. They were filling me up with water because I was again dehydrated and my face and whole body instantly started swelling up. As shallow as it may sound, I was upset because id only gained 23lbs my whole pregnancy and now here they are filling me up with 10lbs of water. I looked fat all in a matter of hours! Well, that day I just sat there and watched TV, ordered room service 3 times...the personal pan peperoni pizza, and the breakfast omelette were my favorites even tho they had steak and all that other ish too lol. They started giving me a medication insert called a Prostaglandin in order to help me progress and dilate because although my contractions were strong enough, he had no where to go if I wouldnt open up. With painful checks every 12 hours, and contractions every 5 minutes I still didnt want an epidural. I wanted to hold out as long as possible. I guess I figured...Id been in pain for this long, I can wait a little while longer....

That was 2 days before.....

Stalkers...

2008-11-15T19:29:00.004-05:00

Okay...sooo before I get to my post later 2nite about the countdown I felt the need to blog about this again. 1st, I got the full address of the main person whose been leaving comments on all these random comment/message boards and it kinda shocked me. I feel like I already knew but its always worse when you see it on paper. Theyve been coming to my page like everyday along with a few other but this 1 in particular was a little suspect to me. I mentioned a little story about this person a few blogs ago so I wont elaborate on that. What I will say, however, is that it takes a very cold hearted, envious, selfish, and hungry person to do what they did. Its extremely obvious as to why certain people attempt to ruin the lives of others in order to only help themselves. It takes a very manipulative person to be able to say and do so much via internet then pretend as if they have no idea what happened or play savior. When someone goes as far as 2 separate a person from their child because of attention or fear of losing them it becomes a more serious matter. The way its done however is never really face to face, its behind the back. Im saying this because Ive been there before. I remember being in a relationship in college when my ex thought I was cheating on him with a gay guy. He proceeded to turn my roommates (which Id known since HS) against me with lying, fake emails, plotting, stealing, and even vandalizing one of their cars. All the blame was put on me and for over a year after it happened they believed it. He was gorgeous, soft spoken, silly, in school, our age, a model, and everyone LOVED him. He was one of those you'd least expect to do anything crazy but it "wasnt in his character". Well, Ive never really had to prove myself until that moment. I was forced to move out of my apt because my roommates had turned into evil people all due to hearsay. They were breaking my things, leaving threats on my door, prank calling my phone, gettin in my face like they wanted to fight, etc. It was probably one of the most awful experiences Ive ever been thru. I stayed with another friend for the last 2 wks before I graduated and when I went to get my stuff from my apt, theyd broken in my room claiming I had stuff of theirs. This is after I let one of them borrow my clothes because she didnt have many, another I gave my extra TV that was for the living room because she didnt have one in her room, and the same 1 with no clothes, I gave my extra comforter set because she didnt have that either. I cooked for these people and I was there for them no matter what. BUT 1 person, a jealous boyfriend that didnt have the signs, turned all that around. For a year I dealt with losing 3 friends and couldnt believe it...A YEAR! Then one day I got a message from LF saying he was sorry. Saying he missed me. Saying he didnt know my friend was gay and after he said everything it was too late to take it back so he let it continue. That hurt. I couldve sent that message to my former roommates/friends but I didnt. I felt that if our friendship and everything I did for them wasnt strong enough to get past a lying boyfriend then they werent worth it. I do see 2 of them on occassion and we speak like nothing ever happened. It was brought up once with 1 of them and they said after speaking with their mother they realized it probably wasnt true. However, they never came to me. I asked why she never said anything and her excuse was "I felt bad...". Well, so did I. We were too close to let that happen. Now we're just associates. My point in this blog is that no one should be able to come between those who mean the most to you. Theres a reason certain people are in your life. The devil comes in all disguises and its always hard to figure him out. That ex boyfriend? No he didnt go to jail or do something crazy to go to a psych ward...I know thats what yall thought I was gonna say. Hes still a little different but still puts on that charm and innocence. Maybe thats why I get so upset. Because Ive been there before and I see it happening to someone else. However, its not just someone else...this time it involves families, a child, friends, etc. All for what. Its not worth it. Its just gonna get worse. Its sad but it is. To the person Im talkin about. This message was for you. Im not trying to be TOO mean sweetheart but I do know your motives. Youre not in love, youre hungry. Youre desperate. So youre taking things too far. Understand that whats meant to be will be. All the threats, anonymous messages, and stalking is uncalled for. I dont know you, I know of you. You dont know me, you know of me. I lost respect for you long time ago with one statement I was told about you. Thats not going 2 change. We dont care for each other...so what. That gives you NO right to come between the 2 of them. Thats sick! Cold hearted and just plain wrong. The fact that youve accomplished (isnt that your word) the tearing apart of several people to draw you in closer is only the Devils doing. One day God is going to take control. I think right now Hes hoping you fix it yourself. All I asked for was an apology and for you 2 stop. You havent. I dont know how youre doing it but you must be really good. Saying and doing ALL THE RIGHT THINGS face to face then going back to say and do all the wrong things by yourself or with ur friends. What kind of person are you? Youre sick! Kinda crazy and deranged to. Smiling and pretending only gets so far. It may be a month, it may be years...it may be at the deciding moment that payback is given. I can do a lot but imma leave it to God cuz as much as I would love to kick your ass, Imma let God handle it. I just hope the other party wakes up before its 2 late.

Time to reflect... 4 days before...

2008-11-14T23:58:00.004-05:00

As I sit here, Im reminiscing about the last few days of my pregnancy a year ago. Its 4 days before his birthday and I remember what I was doing to the T. I was in pain! I was also crying. I was extremely emotional and stressed. A little over a month before, Id been to the Dr and I remember falling in front of the Dr office because I was running from a bumblebee. My brother cursed me OUT and said I was being ridiculous because it was "just a bee"...whatever...I dont like bugs. Anyways, when my dr felt my belly I was told that his heart wasnt beating fast enough anymore and I needed to go to triage. From that day forward I lived in fear. I started praying more than I had in the past. I was asking for forgiveness for everything I might have done wrong and didnt realize it. I cried because I realized Id taken my whole pregnancy as a bad thing instead of a blessing. I was so angry that I stopped realizing how great it was to feel my baby move inside my belly. I stopped letting other people feel it too. I was ashamed. I was hurt. I was heartbroken. I stopped caring. Then I had another scare. I started having contractions. I went back to the dr and I was sent to triage again. They put me on full bedrest. That Sunday I got saved and Ive never cried so much in my life. I fell limp but when it was over, I felt free.

4 days and counting down.....
The weekend my baby was born was Classic Weekend. I remember sitting down that Thursday morning and having a sudden pain in my back. I called my parents and my brother and told them I needed company. My brother came and checked on me and I thought I was fine. The rest of the day I sat on the big rubber ball and prayed that everything was fine. I ate 4 pickled hot sausages and some cake batter (its true what they say...your cravings are soooo random). I guess I wont be making it to the Classic Festivities this year I told myself...Ill just chill on the sofa or in the bed...Im supposed to be on bedrest anyways right??? .That was 4 days before....

TODAY'S SHOUT OUT!!!

2008-11-13T20:48:00.003-05:00

Id like to give a shout out to L,B,and B outta Chi-Tooooooooooowwwnnnnn! You seem to be turning into a loyal fan of my page by checking in EVERYDAY! I hope you enjoy it! Thankssssss! Smooches! Im outtie! Hollerrrrr!

I got to thinking....

2008-11-13T00:32:00.009-05:00

As I sit here tonight.. Im thinking about all the things going on in my life right now and just how blessed I really am. I tend to lose sight on these things because there are ppl who constantly bring drama into my life. Problem is, I let them do it.

1st..These IP traces, people in general, and when things dont go my way I cant change. I can press charges and bring MORE drama or I can just show the proof in hopes that they will stop. If not, I guess Im just that much of a threat so I should take it as a compliment and find it flattering. I originally traced one in particular because I was getting stupid messages on myspace linking me to a page. After I got smart I realized I could trace the page there 2 and I ended up realizing the IP address matched a frequent visitor on my blog. I mainly just wanted to know where the location was. When I found out the City I got a little more curious and hired someone to trace it a little farther. Make a long story short, I ended up finding out who it was and it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Same person has been posting EVERYWHERE! Nasty stuff abt me, my child, and I guess to cover their tracks the other party 2. Kinda psycho/crazy someone can pretend to be someone else so well. Reminds me of the movies Misery and Fatal Attraction. But I dont think theyre that bad...just young and immature...well hopefully hahaha. Now I just laugh because I think its funny. This person has been trying to turn ppl against each other and then play the shoulder to cry on. It worked so I cant say they didnt succeed but at least I know why certain things happened and that those of us who kinda knew werent goin crazy.

2nd...People in general. I hate stupid humans. The ones who dont know how to drive and the ones who wear socks with flip flops. Okay maybe hate is a strong word but come on...who drives 40 in the fast lane...who pulls out extremely fast because they dont want to wait for some1 whose clearly going above 50 to pass... then they slow down...better yet who blows at someone for something THEY DID??? Thats stupid! Also, I dont understand why its so hard to talk and drive at the same time but maybe thats just me. If you cant do it and at least go the speed limit without coming in MY LANE, dont do it! Texting is another story...thats just dumb! I mean, I understand when youre at a red light or something but if youre on I4 trynna tell me what happened to to you 2day, you might as well tell me youre trynna commit suicide too! Now the flip flop thing...isnt that just a little uncomfortable? Like, your socks dont have a space in between them for the flip flop to fit between so why the heck are you wearing SOCKS! Put on some dang sneakers! Not to mention its just ugly. Thats worse than socks with sandals. Oh and foreal...the baggy pants look is out! If you have to pull them up every 2 steps thats a problem. Did yall not see that documentary on Jail about how they find that attractive and thats where it started...on deathrow/prison? So gay! Dudes walkin around thinkin they look all thugged out and manly when its really feminine and sexy! Hahahaha! Wow! Imma start questioning all of em...gay gay gay. I love gay guys, best friends ever, so Imma hit all yall up! I brought this up cuz I saw a dude at Target today with dreads, gold teeth, a wife beater and pants that looked like he wrapped a big ass comforter around his legs. He of course tried to holla and Braylon looked at him and tried to pull his hair. He smelled like straight weed 2...ewww! Anyways, back to the story, I asked him why his pants were so big and he said "aaaaw u kno baby"...i said "nooo i dont" Then I started laughing and said "Are you wearin spongebob drawls...not drawers..I said drawls?" He asked me if that was a problem...I said nah but u out here trynna be all bad ass wearing a nickelodeon character. He coulda shot me but he didnt. He did leave tho after sayin "man u trippin"...I wanted to say nahhh ure gay! Ill have some more stupid human stories later...I might make this a weekly thing hahaha. Moving on...

3rd...just when I thought all dudes suck...I meet someone. I not gonna elaborate too much rt now but just know hes the real deal. He can deal with me so thats the main thing lolol. He loves my clumsy, real, blunt, emotional, goofy, and country self. I feel like ive known him before...its crazy. We just mesh...Im extremely picky so for me to actually like someone enuf 2 talk abt them is real!I may have found our King! But, God only knows the purpose. Maybe hes here for a month, a year, or forever...but all I know is everyday, when we're together it grows and Im enjoying every moment of feeling special to someone...Maybe hes meant to teach me, maybe Im meant to learn...Maybe it wont last but just help me understand what I deserve. I dont know but Im ready for whatever Gods throwing at me...

ANOTHER QUESTIONABLE IP ADDRESS

2008-11-08T22:31:00.006-05:00

THIS ONE IS A LITTLE SUSPECT TO ME...ITS NEW

Lake Mary, Florida, United States
Spiderhost (208.66.45.35)

IT ALSO SAYS THIS IS AN IPHONE AND THEY CAME TO MY PAGE AT 21:41PM TODAY...COME ON NOW PPL! STOP PLAYIN...I HAVE A STRONG IDEA OF WHO THIS MAY BE BUT IT DOESNT SEEM LIKE THEYVE POSTED ANYWHERE ON ANY SITES...AT LEAST NOT FROM THEIR PHONE. DID YOU THINK I WAS KIDDING ABOUT MY IP TRACKER???

To the person who left this dumb comment below...why are you on my page? lolol But to answer your question...because of ppl like you but thanks...I know who you are too! Question...why are you posting from another Iphone...under AT&T???

Okay...Dummyheads!

2008-11-08T03:28:00.014-05:00

I went out tonight and had a good times with my girls/guys. Upon my arrival home I was greeted by an email. It was sent earlier today but I wasnt able to check it until now.

P.S. Even tho you delete your anonymous myspace pages and the messages disappear after I read them (cuz you wait until I read them to delete the page so if I try to read it again it comes up as this persons page has been deleted instead of the message...can we say stalker)...I can copy and paste the messages just to keep in my archive and still get your IP address from the deleted site...its not the same address for every deleted page dumbass. So I have both your messages from the past month and OMG what a coincidence its the SAME IP address. lmao! Do you really think things are anonymous anymore for real??? Come on, with kids sending bomb threats to schools, etc, they cant keep your information secret anymore...duuuuh! Do your research! You will NEVER find my IP address on any comment boards because I DONT POST ON THEM! You however...lets just keep going....

Just so everyone knows...I have an IP tracer on my blog. That means ANYONE who visits my blog, it shows your city, your IP address, how many times youve come to my page along with the dates and times as well as how long you stayed, and the type of server you use (IE Road Runner, Bellsouth, etc). I really didnt think people were ignorant enough to send me messages from the same computer theyve talked ish about me on. But low and behold they are. Im really only talking about one person and she knows who she is. Im not going to put your business out there but this is your IP address and city...
Orange City, Florida, United States
Road Runner (24.95.244.70)
Now, I only know of one person who lives in or knows of someone who lives in Orange City. I also know the address so I KNOW WHO YOU ARE SWEETHEART. For future reference...dont use the same computer on Talk Sports, TOPIX, Baller Alert, your supposed anonymous myspace page, and your current myspace page. I know youre the one who sent the anonymous message because its the same dang IP address as your REAL PAGE! I dont know what youre insecure about but you really need to fix it. Youve come to my blog almost EVERYDAY! One time you even stayed over an hour...Ummm I dont really know what else to say but if you continue writing on these blogs, comment boards, sending me anonymous messages, (probably wrote on my car), etc Imma have to take legal action and then youre going to make both of you look bad especially because the other party is oblivious to your antics...Think about what youre doing. Youve gone to far. You got to confident...now theres proof its you! Your insecurities are getting the best of you to the point youre lying about everything. Its really sad and I dont know what it is that makes people believe you but its getting a little ridiculous dont you think? Now, I bet youre going to go to another computer...but make sure its not in Orange City or anywhere near...It always traceable...
Now, I dont want anyone to think that I just decided to trace IP addresses. I started because certain things that were being said were things that only someone close to me or the boy would know.
But anyways, back to the dummy... Youre a pathological liar and Im done with you silly girl...youre hilarious to me...you may need to get mentally tested because almost everyone knows youre lying about everything! Thats why youre always putting things on blast...what are you trying to prove sweetheart? Are you scared? Insecure? Worried? At this point you should be because you have had the Gal to ruin and come between 2 ppl...and Im not talking about me! You had that much power and manipulation to do that so I commend you but youve gotten yourself in hot water now. Get your life together and stop worrying about mine. Im/we're not interested in THAT anymore so dont worry about us worry about the next 1. I know youre only doing what youre doing because youre trying to get me upset or the other party upset with me and then you play comforter like you did nothing hahahaha. Duuuuh! But, do you girl, I aint mad atcha! lolol

Im not slow! I have a degree...too bad its not in Pharmaceutical Sales hahahahahahahaha. OMG thats the joke of the year! I know what the next step is going to be and I cant wait to blog about it...Dig yourself deeper and deeper chick...

Crazy....

2008-11-06T22:41:00.004-05:00

Soooooo I dont know what happened for sure but apparently someone tried to break into my townhouse today. I wasnt there thank God I was actually at the Studio but I was called by my security people who told me my alarm went off. My system is connected to my cell phone cuz I dont have a house phone and I think its safer that way anyways cuz otherwise they can just cut the phone cord. Anyways, when they called I of course just said oh its fine thinking maybe the wind hit the door too hard or brays window wasnt shut all the way. Well when I got home I didnt check the front door because I always come in through the garage. I went to take the trash out right now and theres a small chip in my door where the lock is...kinda like someone was trying to force it open. Soooo right now Im sitting in my bed waiting for the cops to come. What sucks is when someone wrote on my car I learned that the security cameras at my complex dont really work. They told me they were a ploy to stop crime....WOW! Guess thats not working. Im a little nervous so my brother and my dad are going to stay with Christy and I tonight. Im kinda laming it out I know but I am really scared so dont get it twisted. I just have to stay calm ya know...thats why Im blogging. I think by my blogs if anything ever happens to me, God forbid, at least I wrote about it and it may somehow help...I dont know, maybe I watch too many movies or too many of those reality cop/detective shows. Its been really weird because ive started receiving more of my childs fathers fan mail and I recently received a note at my front door written in crayon that said "(his name) is my hero, why didnt you return my message". Of course that sounds like a little child but what message didnt I return??? I dont know. Its just crazy. Im trying to think of more things to write so I dont get myself to paranoid. Blah blah blah blah blah.....i dont know what to write I dont know what to write....,hmmmmmmm......blah blaasdkflskdfakldsksfnkkkd Ahhhhh Im hella scared, wheres my dad and brother. Christys at the game still. OMGOMGOMG.....okay calm down,....Im looking at braylon in the camera. Ive checked on him like 20 times in the past 10 minutes. Thats why I keep taking breaks from writing. I keep looking out all the windows thinking someones watching me and waiting for the lights to go out. Okay too many movies Royce...chill out....deep breaths deep breaths.....okay imma go cuz this writing isnt working. bye please pray for us. Im sure its nothing right? Maybe a stick hit the door. Maybe that chip is old and I never recognized it till now and in fact it was the wind right? okay bue. I called the security ppl back by the way, theyre the 1s that sent the cops. Okay for real im rambling and starting to shake with nerves. okay bue for real.

Blessed...

2008-11-05T22:43:00.007-05:00

Okay, so its about 10:43PM and Brays been sleep about an hour and a half (Thank God for Daylight Savings Time cuz he normally goes around 10-1030). Ive a had an extremely stressful but blessed week. I couldnt ask for any week better than this one. Let me tell you why. I HAVE A CAREER! Im getting paid for doing what I love to do and giving back to my community while doing so. I started out my dance studio with 17 kids and no real marketing. Thats great especially with how the economy is! But in the past 3 days Ive gotten 10 more kids to sign up and several more coming in this week to do the same! Ive always been told I have a light shining bright over me and now I can see it! I dont know what it is but I have a way with kids and getting them to understand that they can do and be anything! Im a hard teacher and some say Im mean at times but after a few weeks Im getting hugs at the end of class and many thank yous from parents! Its a gift I have and I dont mind sharing it! I have my OWN company, Im still shocked when I say it but its amazing to me. Im a business woman and Ive noticed that turns a lot of dudes on lolol. Ummm thanks I guess hahaha. Im just happy that Im not sitting behind a desk working for someone in a job thats not part of my career. Even when I was working for other people I was teaching and improving my craft! I dont understand and dont take this the wrong way...how people can just sit around and do nothing or work in a dead end job. Get ur butts up and do something. I said this before but how do you feel good about yourself when you know you should be doing something. Sooner or later its going to bite u n the butt. I know people may get mad at me for saying that but this is for those who sit around and do nothing on purpose not those who actually try!
Moving on...
Braylon...the light of my life...my soul! Everyday, I love him more and more to the point I cant explain. I wonder everyday how much more can you love someone and each day it grows. Hes everything to me. Thats my baby! Hes part of me, my genes, my eyes, my lips, my complexion...me! He's climbing on top of everything of course adn its sooo funny. He turns around and laughs! His personality grows everyday and his fav game is still chase me...and its so much fun! Hes learning how to hide then jump out and say ayeee lolol. Hes learned how to tap me on my shoulder then look away like he didnt do it. He loves giving me hugs and kisses, and I have to say that when he saw me cry last week he came up to me and hugged me. That moment took every tear away and was to this day the 2nd best day of my life. The 1st being his birth. I know I talk about him alot but you have to understand that Braylon is truly an angel! Ive been through so much the past year and a half that without him being the way he is, I wouldnt be this strong. Everything I do is for him. I take pictures allll the time and I spend almost every moment with him...yes even when Im at the studio (if Im not teaching). I cant say it enough but I love him more than I love myself and once I find my someone special theyre gonna love him too!

All in all November has started out great! October ended great also. Im going to Hawaii the day after Thanksgiving for a week and a day with fam n a few friends so thats going to be awesome! Brays 1st big trip! I cant complain about anything. Im happy! I wake up smiling, I go to sleep smiling and during the day...Im just happy! Ive been more giving this week also. I offered 2 dance scholarships to girls that I saw potential in but couldnt afford the fees, and I also (this is crazy) gave a homeless 6 year old 3 toys from babies r us yesterday and said things are going to get better today...then Barack Obama became our president! I also gave her mom some money to "hopefully" get a room for a few days and some food. Yea, I kinda splurged on them but I was just in that mood. I felt it was my duty and Im happy I did it. Well my battery is about to go out on my computer and I left the charger at the studio so till later...Im outtie! Holler! God Bless, Dont worry be happy and kisses! xoxoxo

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!

2008-11-05T17:40:00.013-05:00

That sounds so good! Its amazing that there are still some African Americans that dont realize what an impact this is on our lives. This man isnt just our president, hes an icon! Hes a father who takes care of his kids and is there for them no matter what! Hes a father who knows the true meaning of family! Im so proud to have witnesses this moment in my lifetime and was able to tell my son that Barack Obama is his New President. Although he has no idea of whats going on and what an impact this will have on his life, Im proud that for at least 4 years (God Willing) he will have another Black Man to look up to. We as a people have been through so much that no one of any other race will ever understand! We as a people have that bond. Theres conversations we can have with each other that we cant have with another race! Its sad that some of us dont realize that. Im so blessed to have grown up with strong male and female figures in my family but Ive also been blessed with many beyond that such as Oprah! On a more personal note, many of you have been keeping up with my blog and sending messages and a few comments, I just want you all to know I appreciate the constant support and encouragement.

I VOTED FOR CHANGE!!!

2008-11-04T15:14:00.002-05:00

I got up this morning with a little pep in my step! I got dressed, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast and waited for Braylon to wake up. Around 9 he started laughing at himself in his crib (theres a mirror in there) and I walked in to get him. I noticed he was about a half hour early so I figured he noticed that there was something a little different about today also. I changed him, fed him, put he and the dog JJ in the car and we were off. I dropped Bray and JJ off at my parents house anticipating a long wait at the polls so I didnt want him to get aggravated. When I got the the poll there was absolutely NO line! I showed my ID, got my ballots, walked into the booth and made my mark on this possible History Making day! Today, November 4, 2008 marks a moment in our life, and generation that can really change the world. I felt important. I felt like I mattered. I felt like my vote TODAY would be a part of history. Thats why I waited. I wanted my vote counted on the actual Election Day. Not early, not late...NOW, TODAY! Im walking with my head held high for my ancestors who fought for this right and for the power we have as a United States of America Citizen! I hope tonight when we're all watching the news as the results come in we feel a since of pride because WE made the change, and it was our decision. Hopefully it turns in our favor!

HOMECOMING....BLAH LOLOL

2008-11-03T23:07:00.002-05:00

Okay DO I know I pick on your lame a$$ school and YES we lost...But whatever, we STILL kicked yalls ass! hahaha! Just kidding...but really we did! lolol.He had sooo much fun at the game on Saturday even tho we lost. He looooved the band and he was dancing up a storm! He played sooo hard on Saturday he knocked out once my parents took him back to the motor home. ME? I went to the vendors in search for Conch Salad...that sold out by the time I got to the front. I did however get my fried Blue Crabs and shrimp! We do tailgate with the seriousness meaning the motorhome, music, etc but I still had to take advantage of the vendors! Thanks to Lenora for standing with me for an hour lolol. We also got Braylon a light up pacifier and a sword! Yes, Im a sucker for those things. I used to want them when I was little and got excited everytime my parents gave in so I knew Bray would love them! As you can see, he did! Its nothing like an HBCU Homecoming. I cant wait till Classic Weekend! WOOP WOOP! Its about to be sooooo fa-serious! <---Dont steal my word! Till later...Im outtie! Hollerrrrr!

Brays 1st Halloween!!!!!

2008-11-03T22:36:00.008-05:00

Braylon was Tigger for Halloween and he was a biiiiig hit! He loved being in his lil outfit and he was sooooo cuuuuuute! OMG I have to admit I have the best baby in the world! Hes soooo animated and such a flirt. I have sooo many stories its ridiculous. Hes starting to say his own name and hes found a new Favorite Game. Its called drop/push the toy off the table and laugh when Mommy picks it up and brings it back. He did this a few months ago but I think it was mainly for development purposes. Now he does it to get a big laugh from himself and me. Hes also started running and speaking his own language. Theres so many words I dont understand I just call it Brayguage! I cant tell you how much fun he is. I know everyone says the same thing about their child but I hear it from everyone that hes the happiest baby theyve ever met and that Im a good mom. Say Im bragging I dont care but thats what they say lolol. He was the Best Tigger Everrrrr! My little Moo Moo!

Monkey Joes Trial Run/ Cousins Birthday Party...

2008-11-03T22:02:00.012-05:00

When we got back on Sunday we had to almost immediately go to a birthday party for my little cousins at Monkey Joes. I was happy it was there since thats where Brays party is for his 1st Birthday in a couple weeks. He enjoyed himself soooo much it was ridiculous. He was screaming and laughing and jumping in all the little 3 and under thingies. I was so happy because I wasnt sure how hed take it. He also loved meeting Monkey Joe and went crazy when he was being held by him. After the longest and most tiring weekend we got in my SUV and went home. Bray was out in 3 minutes. I know because I reached back to give him a bottle and he didnt move lolol. All I heard was a big snore 10 seconds later. He slept for 4 hours after the party...woke up for 2 hours to eat, and went down for the count at 9:30PM...thank goodness for Daylight Savings Time. Hes been goin to sleep between 9 and 10pm and waking up between 9-10AM also. Perfect! Well thats about it! Till next time...Im outtie! Ill holler! lolol

HAPPY DAYS! SOME THINGS IVE MISSED...

2008-11-03T19:44:00.001-05:00

Waddup Fam, Friends, and Fans! I dont know why I keep forgetting to talk about the dance studio but its going well. I do have a fraud case pending because someone stole 3000<--- yes you read that right...from my business account. Other than that Im happy. I had a pretty bad month in October but I promised myself to erase the drama which means I erased people that caused it. I guess thats not going over to well but the fact is that you dont have to be in my life to be in someone elses. Thats with friends of friends or even with family. It is what it is ya know lolol. I do think a few people need to read up on people who need certain procedures because its so obvious when theyre lying hahahaha. That was mean but oh so true. Lol I find it hilarious. We were laughing about it the other day like how dumb can you beeeeee! Anyways, back to the studio! Its going really well! Everyone who comes by LOVES the look of it and our style. I didnt realize how many lives I touched in my prime and its still growing! I have my own company thats doing well...I have a career! My Dream Job! I hated sitting behind a desk working for other people and not making what I felt I should! I feel bad for those working dead end jobs just to get a paycheck! I do get a lot of questions asking why Im working when I have money but the fact is I AM NOT A KEPT WOMAN! I cant sit around living off someone elses paycheck! I dont need a Captain Save A... I need my career. I dont see how people do it. Just sit around everyday and do nothing. Whats the point in going shopping if you have no where to go but TO THE MALL, or TO A SINGLE EVENT! Thats boring and shouldnt it be a turnoff?! Would yall seriously want to talk to me if I did nothing all day but chill or go shopping??? Yall would think the lies on those comment boards were right! I would look completely like a Golddigger then lolol. OMG my parents would kill me anyways hahaha. I love yall for keepin it real though. Thanks for your support and telling me when I wrong or when Im right! I appreciate it soooo much! Great advice from Great people! xoxoxo!

FAMU HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-30T22:00:00.005-04:00

WE ARE OFF TO TALLAHASSEE FOR MY ALMA MATERS HOMECOMING! FAMUUUU FAMUUUU FAM GOT DAMN U ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I HAVENT BEEN IN 3 YEARS SO IM EXCITED! BRAYS 1ST HOMECOMING! 1ST IS DEFINITELY "SET TIME"! THEN BACK TO THE TAILGATE! BEFORE GOING OUT BRAYS GONNA BE TIGGER FOR HALLOWEEN AND WE'RE GONNA GO TRICK OR TREATING! HES GONNA BE SOOOO CUUUUUTE! AFTER THAT PARTY TIME! BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE IVE BEEN TO A "LET OUT".
IT SUCKS BECAUSE ITS KINDA BITTERSWEET. WHEN I GO VISIT THE THEATRE IMMA THINK OF KENNETH, WHEN I SEE MY STRIKER BROTHERS AND MAHOGANY SISTERS IMMA THINK OF KENNETH. I KNOW THERES GONNA BE SOME REMINISCING BUT ITS ALL GOOD STUFF! LOVE YOU KENNY! THANKS FOR BEING THE BEST PARTNER IN DREAMGIRLS! IMMA WATCH MAHOGANY AND STRIKER SHOWS TILL I FALL ASLEEP! WATCH OVER ALL OF US! XOXOXO!

ON ANOTHER NOTE...
WHEN YOU HURT A PERSON ON PURPOSE THAT SHOWS A LOT ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER! IVE LEARNED ALOT THIS PAST MONTH. SAME SCRIPT DIFFERENT CAST! I JUST WISH I DIDNT CONTINUE BEING A SUPPORTING ACTOR. WHEN YOU TAKE A SITUATION TO ANOTHER LEVEL, IT CHANGES EVERYTHING! YOU NOT ONLY HURT 1 PERSON YOU HURT ALL THAT ARE INVOLVED BECAUSE THEY ALL BELIEVED THE SAME THING! SO IF X-ING SOMEONE OUT "MY" LIFE MEANS NO MORE DRAMA..WELL CALL ME MARY J! SORRY BUT I CANT DO IT! I CANT LET SOMEONE ENTER AND EXIT MY LIFE WHENEVER THEY WANT. DOESNT WORK THAT WAY. SO AS OF NOW, THEY DONT EXIST...AT LEAST NOT RIGHT NOW.

RIP KENNETH DILLARD

2008-10-29T23:00:00.006-04:00

Mr Striker Brother, a good friend, a good father, a good son and a great person! After this happened Ive realized none of this drama is worth it....I love you Kenneth! Watch over me! Ill miss you soooooo much and always remember our days in College and in Miami! Ill always remember the weekly text about everything. Dreamgirls with the Essential Theatre (you were the best partner everrrrrr!), and just you being you! I love you man! Damn!

He had a wife, 2 kids, and only 25. He was so close to perfect. WHY?! I keep losing people! 4th person this year that was close to me...damn.....

SHOWTIME!

2008-10-29T02:59:00.001-04:00

WE, FANTACHI'K, WILL BE PEFORMING LIVE AT CHEYENNES SALOON WEDNESDAY NIGHT IN ORLANDO, FL AROUND 12-1AM! THE CLUB IS LOCATED DOWNTOWN ON CHURCH STREET. IF YOURE COMING FROM ORANGE AVE, PASS DRAGON ROOM, MAKOS AND ANTIGUA! ITS OVER THE RAILROAD TRACKS AND NEXT TO THE DESSERT LADY! WE'RE THE HEADLINERS AND WE'RE DOING A BURLESQUE SHOW FOR HALLOWEEN!!!!! ITS GONNA BE SIIICCCKKKKK! SEE YOU THERE! IM OUTTIE! HOLLERRRRR!!!!!

Life is Short...

2008-10-24T21:48:00.004-04:00

Okay, so within the past week Ive seen so many crazy things on the news that have really frightened me. 1st there was the news anchor who was beat up and left for dead in her home. They said it looked like a crime of passion not a robbery so it was either someone she knew, turned down or just someone who didnt like her. They came in her home while her dogs were outside and tried to kill her. She was found the next morning by her mother because she didnt answer her morning wakeup call. Then today I hear about Jennifer Hudson's mother and brother who were found shot and killed in their home. They also abducted her 7 year old nephew. That too was said to be a crime of passion or domestic violence. Crimes like these scare me and they have really been getting to me ever since the story of who I was broke. Im sick of being blown off everytime i get threatened. Ive called the cops over one person (Patricia McCann) in Kentucky...KENTUCKY?! She tried to hack my phone, was posting as me, then began to threaten my life on my private personal myspace page. Nothing was done except they gave her a warning and I received a copy of the police report. When they tried to question other people who may know who it was about the case (before they received the name and IP address) no one cooperated. Ive had Bitch written on my car (Ive since traded it in), and Ive received 7 pieces of mail asking for my childs fathers autograph or just random questions about if this is really where I live. To me thats crazy AND scary and Im sick of being mellowed out. You hear so many times about people being abducted or killed and there were warnings. Im scared. I admit it. Im terrified. I have a precious little boy and Id go crazy if something happened to him. Whats just as bad is if something happens to his mother...me. I need to move. Soon. Im thinking about going to stay with my parents just so I can feel safe. This world is dangerous and I cant fight off someone who is set on hurting me. I dont like guns, I do sleep with a knife upstairs but what else can I do? Ive been followed, my studio closes at night, and people know who I am. I cant live in a bubble, I know, but I also cant live being paranoid. I just want someone to take these threats I receive seriously. People are CRAZY and it always seems to be the people you least expect it from. It can be a friend of a friend, or a cousin of a flame. You never know... at least neither of the people I mentioned above expected it would ever happen to them.....

My Vacation and my Revelations...A New Start to the Old Me!

2008-10-23T21:47:00.003-04:00

I know that last part of my title may not quite make since to some but to others its exactly what theyve been waiting for. The old Royce to come back. Well after this week Ive found her and I reintroduced myself to...well myself. Id lost so much of me these past few years and even more within the past year. I thought when I got saved I was on the path of my new beginning but I see now that it was God way of testing me and seeing how far I would stray. I got a lil ways away but I definitely came back. Before I get into my vacation and revelations I must say that one of the biggest lessons Ive learned was that I cannot fault or hate someone because of who they are or what theyve become. I can and will, however, distance myself and my child for our own sake. People are a product of their environment and they wont change unless they think somethings wrong within themselves. Most never find that personal flaw and you cant MAKE someone realize theyve become exactly what they fear! Whether thats a bad friend, criminal, parent, or person period, if that individual doesnt find that fault, they will never change and I nor you can stand next to them if theyre bringing you down or making you feel less than you are. With that said welcome to my revelations and the New Start to the Old Me...

Monday:
Today I left for Clearwater, FL around 4pm. I arrived @ my hotel on Sand Key beach around 6. When I got to my room I immediately felt a sense of calmness. My view is ridiculously beautiful. Bray and I walked rt 2 the balcony and sat out there for about an hr. Erica came by and we went to eat at Sheppards. It was sooooo good. We talked a lot and she started giving me some advice. I left my computer @ home so every time I had an urge to Google myself I couldn't. That helped a lot. I have to admit it was kinda hard but very necessary. I guess I kinda, just kinda understand what withdrawals feel like to a heroine addict. You have 2 resist the urge and its hard 2 resist it when its right in front of you. However once you get passed that stage it can be right in front of you and you walk away. I want to get to tht point. Hopefully by the end of my trip I will finally be able to do tht. So when I get home and get in front of my computer, my first test will be just that. I do care what ppl think about me. Id be lying if I said I didn't. I think every1 cares 2 a certain extent but I really do because I know Im a good person, good daughter, good sister, great mother and a very good friend. I hear that everyday but I just wish everyone knew it before they started speaking so negatively about me when they don't know me or don't take the time out 2 care 2 know me. It does hurt but im learning that ppl talked about god and ppl will still talk about u when youre dead. Well this Old School handwriting w/ pen and paper is getting tiring so till 2morrow...im outtie! Hollerrrrr!

Tuesday:
Today we woke up and stood outside on the balcony for a bit. We (erica, bray and I) then went by the pool and took a dip. After that I went parasailing (yes I do the things black ppl aren't supposed to do, sorry mom n dad but at least I didn't bungee jump yet lolol). It was actually really relaxing and fun. It wasn't excited like swimming with the dolphins. It was a different exciting. You kinda feel like you're floating way up in the air. Not quite like flying but just floating. After that we came up and took some showers then headed to Crabby Bills. I loooooove seafood as u can tell. On the way back I saw the cutest thing...a down syndrome couple holding hands and wearing matching T-shirts. There's someone for everyone like Erica would say. We did get a lil laugh @ this one guy who rode by with "just divorced" and happy faces written on his car! Can we say "wow". After that Erica had to go to work, she's a cop not a highway patrol, one of those serious 1s like the lady on The 1st 48. She's foserious<---like my word? Lolol....anyways, I went back up to my room, and put bray down for his afternoon nap.
Then I finally took the time to reflect on me and what's been going on in my life. All the drama and all the hate. For what? Why do I feed into it sometimes? Why do I even give it the time of day? Its nothing new to me so why am I now shocked? I've been hated on ever since I went to FAMU and got my culture shock. As much as I was ready to leave when I graduated, over time I realized I learned a lot abt myself. Im a strong, beautiful and successful black woman. Its a shame that within our race we seem to down each other rather than lift each other up. My career has taken a different turn than planned but that's Gods doing. I have my studio, and I have 2 companies. The plan to go to LA and pursue ME wasn't Gods idea for me so that's ok. I've done a lot and im extremely proud of myself. I have so much more to do and Im enjoying watching it prosper. I want my son to be proud of his mom and know that I tried my best! When it comes to a significant other I realize Im attracted to athletes and im not ashamed of it. Why should I be. Im an athlete and I've always been one. I was a gymnast for 8 yrs, I've been dancing for over 20 and I was a competitive 6A HS and college cheerleader for 9yrs. You probably saw me on ESPN a couple times...I was tht 1 token black girl flipping and getting tossed in the air lolol. I can't worry about what ppl think. Its not about money. I don't care if he played flag football. Its just something about an athletic guy that attracts me. 1 I like tall guys, 2 I like guys that take care of themselves and that r n shape. 3 I love the idea of competition. Not always but a lot. From air hockey and go kart races @ the fun spot to pulling for my Colts. I enjoy watching my significant other doing what they love and having such a strong passion for their sport. Ill also get out there and play flag football myself. Thats just me and I embrace that. If ppl can't understand that oh well. What sucks is that almost everyone I date is younger than me. Thats not on purpose. Its because most guys my age or older think im jailbait. im constantly being looked at in the mall or supermarket with the "shame on you" eyes because I have a baby and they think im 16. I wish I could walk around with a shirt on that says "im grown" but then it would just turn into "why aren't you married" so whatever. With that age thing also comes the maturity factor. Sometimes they're on my level other times they're not. Sometimes it even seems as tho they are until something life-changing happens and the scared puppy dog comes out or they just flip the script. I guess thts my problem to deal with. "Enjoy it royce thats a compliment, you'll enjoy it when you get older". Well, im old enuf now to realize that id rather look my age just long enuf to not have to show my id for r rated movies or for High Schoolers to be askin 4 my number.

Wednesday:
I could honestly wake up to this view everyday. The weather has been perfect each day. Erica had to go to work early today so Bray and I are on our own for most of the day. So we got up, ate a lil breakfast and went down to the pool again. Brays been taking swimming lessons at the YMCA so I was doing some exercises with him and he's a lil swimmer. He knows how to float and find the edge and he's only 11mos. I think we've gotten 5 shades darker we've been outside so much. I like it, we have a nice lil glow. Anyway, after the pool we went down to the beach and ate some more seafood. I watched Bray run and fall in the sand and I couldn't help but :-) and laugh. He's so carefree and he loves his mommy. He would run to the edge, slap the water, turn around and run back to me laughing. Almost every1 around us swore he was at least 1 1/2. Lil did they know he's just naturally tall..... lol. Its so funny how he looooves being outside, especially the beach. When we're in the room he stands either at the window by the door or on the balcony in his diaper. Its so amazing watching him grow up. I haven't had a chance to get my massage but im set to get one 2morrow morning @ 10am so Erica can watch bray. After we left the beach we came back to the hotel and pretty much had a lazy day. I ordered Step Brothers on pay-per-view and we ate icecream. Then we took a nap. We were awakened by Erica beatin on the door like a crazy person. I answered to door and she goes "oh, u were sleep?", im like nah, I just like sittin n the dark. Anyways, she wanted to watch the Rays game while I wanted to catch up on Americas next top model...after all that game is gonna be on till midnite. Im NOT a baseball fan @ all but I admit I watched the game for about an hr ok maybe 30mins lolol. I then went to get a soda from the soda machine and when I came back the door wasn't working. I put the key in and the light turned green but the lock wouldn't release all the way. Erica is meanwhile lookin @ me thru the door laughing like its the funniest thing ever. Im like open the damn door! She's on the floor literally rolling. Bray then comes to the window with his head tilted sideways like whats goin on? Y are u outside. I tried like 4 times and I started cursing. Erica said I sounded like I had tourrettes. Whatever! Lolol. When I got inside bray wanted to all of a sudden play. After beating up the window blinds he wanted to play chase. So Erica n I each got on diff ends of the suite and he went crazy. He would run to 1 of us, we'd grab him and he'd laugh so hard and scream we couldn't help but laugh too. Then he'd turn around n run to the other with his arms up like a lil monster. It was hilarious. We played that game for abt 30mins until he started fartin everywhere. I guess tht icecream finally got 2 him. Erica was like did u fart? Im like No thts braylon. "Stop lyin royce" she said. 'Im foreal, I swear it wasn't me, thats braylon". She didn't believe me till he did it right by her face. "Omg it smells like a grown man fart" she said. "I know" I replied, its ridiculous. A stinky poop followed shortly after with a big :-) during each push. Lolol. Revelations for today I I realize how great of friends I have. Real friends. Not the 1s that want something, or hint at wanting something. Real genuine caring friends who really want the best for me. They pick me up when im down and they never steer me wrong. They tell me when im wrong and when im right... especially when im wrong. They never hype me up to do something out of character or that could hurt another person despite how much I want to retaliate. They hold me when I cry. They support me when I dream and they applaud me when I succeed. I appreciate the most when they tell me certain things are my fault due to my dumb decisions. Then they tell me how I can fix them if I want to. Granted im hardheaded a lot but they understand that and don't let me stray away to long. I've made a lot of knee-jerk decisions in my life and some big ones in the last year. Some have helped others have hurt but they've all been lessons I've learned from. This trip was much needed. I return home Thursday night but im staying on vacation till Saturday. I miss my family and my friends. You never realize how much you take life for granted and your blessings till you sit back and think. Some people weren't brought up the way I was. I have 2 parents still together and in love. They still play like schoolkids. Its not always perfect but its love. My family owns, sells, and has inherited several pieces of land. We have our own travel agency. Our family name is extremely well known in Orlando and has been in the Orlando Newspapers several times for history purposes and stories. I grew up not having to "want" for much but I never took it for granted because so many of my friends came from poverty. I traveled all over the US before I was 13 because we always took family vacations. I went to college on a full scholarship. Im been to over 13 different countries to perform. I've been a part of 2 of the NBA's BEST dance teams, LITERALLY! I performed @ Allstars in Houston. I have a beautiful, smart and healthy baby boy. I have a successful career. Im blessed and I may not like the way certain things are in my life but there's countless numbers who would love to be in my shoes so in the end I can't complain. Till 2morrow, im outtie! Hollerrrr.

Thursday:
Well today is our last day here in Clearwater on Sand Key Beach. Im definitely coming back. I think this is my new getaway. Its only abt 2hrs away and it looks like a little piece of Heaven. I called the Bellboy to come get our stuff and Erica took Bray downstairs. I stayed behind about 20 minutes to look back on my trip out here. I walked on the balcony and for the first time I let go. I let it all go. The anger, the hurt, the hard times, everything. Id be trying to stay in control for so long even the tears that fell I controlled. I used to tell myself no 1 is worth my tears. Well, that's not true because if no 1 is worth your tears then that means they never had your heart. So for those 20 minutes I cried and I screamed. It felt good. I screamed @ the top of my lungs and the people downstairs by the pool heard me and looked up. I didn't care. I needed it. Id kept those feelings in so long it was unhealthy. I let an anonymous email linking me 2 a page send me to the hospital with a severe panic/anxiety attack and high blood pressure. Id let someone back in that didn't deserve to be there so easily. I took the rest of my time up there to reflect and make a promise to myself and God. I don't remember the exact words but it kindof went like this:
Dear God,
Its me again. I kno I've disappointed you and I've walked away from you a lot this past year. I gave my life to you almost a year ago and I still haven't learned. Im trying God, I really am. I can't do this without you. I need you. I need you in my heart, my soul and my mind. I need you for my strength and my guidance. I need you for when I don't know what to do or what to say. I need you to keep him around strong male figures like my dad, my brother, my uncles and my friends. I mostly need you to be in his heart and let him know I tried. Its hard but I know you have good reasons. I love you and I need you so much right now. Im fallin to my knees so many times to you and now I just want to stand. I want to be that girl everyone admired and wanted their daughters to be like again. I want to be that strong woman who walked with her head held high. I want to be the child you want me to be. I know I may not do everything in your will and I know I will sin. Im not perfect but I am your child. I promise to try my best from this day forward to not turn my back on you. I promise to keep my life in your hands. I promise to treat my body and mind like a temple because I am a Black Queen. I promise to take all the things I may not agree with as a lesson and not try to force what you don't see for me. I promise to put you 1st and my son 2nd. My family 3rd and my career 4th. I promise God because I know you are steering me to the Real happiness. I need all these lessons in order to appreciate the blessing you are setting forth for me. I love you God. Help me. I need you, I love you and you are my Everything. Amen.

With that prayer, I signed my bill, left it on the counter and grabbed the doorknob. I said one last thing, this time to myself. I left room 504 at the Marriot Suites on Sand Key Beach. I didn't just leave the room, I left all the mental baggage I brought in there and walked out a free woman.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

2008-10-23T17:08:00.000-04:00

Today marked the 38th year my parents have been married. Its so cuuuuute! Theyre still very much in love. Im not saying its always perfect, of course not. Whose marriage is ALWAYS PERFECT? Sure they argue on occassion but mostly its about what to watch on T.V. or the fact that my brother and I are grown and my dad still thinks we're 12 lolol. They still wrestle and they still play pranks on each other. Just the other day my dad called my mom while we were at the mall and they were playin on the phone like lil kids. hahahaha. I pray to find love like that someday soon! Happy Anniversary Mommy and Daddy! I love you soooo much! xoxoxo

TIME FOR A VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-20T15:37:00.004-04:00

Im off to Clearwater to chill with my girl Erica! I have a bay view and a suite so yall knw its about to be onnnnnnn! I desperately need a massage so thats number 1! Ill have pics available when I get back. Im not taking my comp so Ill respond to any messages on my email, facebook or myspace when I return! To my friends aka peeps lol, plz dont and yall know what im talkin about! Real Talk! Plz! I know you mean well but let it go! Hollerrrrr! Love yall!

FYI- UPDATE!

2008-10-20T00:19:00.008-04:00

TO ALL THESE STUPID SITES POSTING CRAP ABOUT ME....AGAIN! IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS!
FIRST OF ALL, TO WHOEVER POSTS AS ILOVETHISGAME2 AND HESAIDSHESAID...WHATS YOUR PR CHARGE?! YOU HAVE TAKEN TIME OUT OF YOUR LIFE TO POST ABOUT ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED TO PAY YOU FOR THE PUBLICITY. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS SO I CAN WRITE YOU A CHECK!

SECOND, WHAT IS THIS CRAP ABOUT TALK SPORTS? FOR EVERYONES INFORMATION, I AM A MEMBER OF TALK SPORTS AND I DELETE ALL COMMENTS THAT ARE WRITTEN ABOUT ME. I DONT POST ON THAT SITE BECAUSE IT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK DUMB SINCE YOU CAN SEE IP ADDRESSES DUMBASSES! I CALLED THE COPS AND THE PERSON WHO PLACED ALL THE PHOTOS OF MY CHILD, ME, AND MY CHILDS FATHER WAS A PERSON BY THE NAME OF PATRICIA MCCANN IN KENTUCKY! I WAS BEING HARASSED BY HER AND SHE ATTEMPTED TO HACK MY CELL PHONE (SIDEKICK), AND MY PRIVATE MYSPACE PAGE! SINCE THAT DIDNT WORK SHE COPIED MY STATEMENT, POSTED IT, AND TOLD ME TO DIE. SHE STATED SHE WOULD ALWAYS FIND ME ALONG WITH SEVERAL OTHER THREATS! THE MODERATOR OF THAT SITES NAME IS RANDY SO IF YOURE THAT INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AND SO YOU CAN STOP LYING ON ME CONTACT HIM AND HE WILL TELL YOU OFFICER ORBELANDOR OF THE ORANGE COUNTY POLICE DEPT CONTACTED HIM FOR THE INFORMATION ABOUT THAT MEMBER! THATS THE TRUTH SO STOP LYING!

THIRD, I AM SINGLE! I AM NOT WITH MY CHILDS FATHER SO WHY ARE YALL STILL TALKIN ABOUT THIS? ITS OLD NEWS! IM MOVING ON, NOT LOOKING BUT LOOKING FOR MY PRINCE CHARMING. SOMEONE WHO CAN HANDLE MY HYPER SELF. I HAVE MY OWN DANCE STUDIO/COMPANY, AND I AM ALSO THE FOUNDER OF A BURLESQUE GROUP CALLED FANTACHI'K. N0W,AS FAR AS THE POSTERS... I HAVE SOME IDEAS OF WHO THE HESAIDSHESAID PERSON COULD BE AND THE INITIALS ARE MD, BK, AD OR PS! THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. I AM SO SICK OF THIS DRAMA AND IF YALL WANNA PLAY WITH FIRE I CAN TURN UP THE HEAT SO HOT, HELL'S GONNA LOOK LIKE A SKI RESORT! I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE AND I HAVE NO REASON TO POST ANONYMOUSLY! IF I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY I WILL POST AS ROYCE ON MY SITES! PLEASE BELIEVE I WILL BRING HITS TO MY SITES BEFORE I BRING HITS TO SOMEONE ELSES! SO KICK ROCKS, GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC, AND DRINK BLEACH TO ALL THOSE WHO POST NEGATIVE STATEMENTS ABOUT ME, STEAL MY PICTURES, AND CLAIM TO KNOW OR BE ME. THERES ONLY ONE ROYCE AND I ALWAYS...LET ME REPEAT ALWAYS ADMIT TO WHAT IVE SAID, OR WRITTEN! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!

Id like to thank all the people who sent me emails on my myspace page calming me down. I appreciate it! I have humbled myself in the situation by taking off the F-u's to those 3 sites. Honestly, I took it off because I heard theyre crazy and will end up posting something crazy and I really dont need that. So yes Im admitting that was a big reason in taking it off. However, I know girls will be girls and I cant stop anyone from talkin about me. So it is what it is. Again, thanks for ALL the messages and the 1 comment that was left lolol. I am not upset with what mediatakeout wrote about me, what I was upset about was a few of the comments that were completely off topic and proceeded to bash me. Those ive noticed have since been removed so thanks for that. I appreciate it. Lastly, I AM NOT SUICIDAL! Wow! Yall dont get me that worked up. I vent then im over it! If you continue to keep this subject up so be it. I guess Im just that interesting! Sooooo THAAAAAAAANK YOUUUUUU!

Oh, and by the way hesaidshesaid, you told on yourself. You said you and your girl posted all the pictures after u tried to claim I did it. That was hilarious. Remember what you post before you start trying to make your lies make since. 1st youre married, then youre a self proclaimed groupie... 2nd you said you have my IP address, well what is it??? Im curious since I attend UCF now... hahaha. 3rd, I really do need to pay you. Youre good at being a professional hater! Love ya! Im off to enjoy my vacation. Continue working until I get back! Im outtie!

MOVING ON.....

A Much needed night out!

2008-10-09T15:47:00.000-04:00

Life has been hard lately but Im trying to push through. Like they say, "When life gets too hard to stand, kneel!". So Ive been praying for a change lately. Ive learned to never say things cant get any worse because THEY CAN and they HAVE! Its okay tho because Im a strong person and even tho the tears may fall constantly for a few days I know they wont last forever. I really dont understand how people can be so cold hearted and evil. I dont understand how you can say for so long you dont want to be like something or someone and be JUST like them in the end. How can you try to play someone with another in the same city, especially when i know EVERYBODY here...almost?! But, whatever! I feel like some years have been wasted but I know they taught me a lesson.

So...with that said, I went out to 1st Fridays downtown. I also stopped by Whispers Sat night for about an hour but I was clubbed out from the night before. No, I dont go out a lot but when I do I like to have fun...as you can see by the pics! I felt a lot better even tho I had to catch myself from crying a few times so I ran to the bathroom. Anyways, funny story...You know how you get real crunk when your "jam" comes on? Well, back in the day that "jam" used to be "F^ck them other N's" <---I HATE that word by the way and ull never hear me say it...maybe in a song...maybe...ok back to the story... Okay so the song started playin and we're all huddled up like a pack of football players rockin back in forth singin the words "B!tch, Im down w? no limit, and ill ride for tha cause, im the N on the tank w/ the big f^ckn balls....blah blah blah u kno the rest...well, apparently someone thought our huddle was their group and she kinda huddled up with us and was jammin...we're all lookin like who is this chick, and she has her eyes closed like she is sooo feelin it...we kinda back away and was just looked at her trynna figure out if shes drunk, high, or just different...well when she opened her eyes she looked at us like WE were crazy and her girls were behind her ROLLING! We didnt wanna laugh right in front of her but its kinda contagious when 1 person...just 1 person does that snicker and then every1 bursts cuz they cant hold it anymore. I felt so bad...okay no i didnt but i could tell she was soooo embarassed.
I promise it was funny if you were there...not so much when you read it but whatever Im not deleting lolol. Aight im outtie! Hollerrrrrr!

OMG

2008-10-08T00:32:00.003-04:00

Its been a loooooong time! I looked at the date of my last post and was like SERIOUSLY? Anyways, pretty much the same story...working at my studio! However, BRAYLON IS WALKING! YEPPERS! He started on Sept 22 actually and has been going ever since. He turned 10 mos on Sept 18 so 4 days after he was officially a Toddler. Its so cute! He looks like a Frankenstein but hes so proud of himself he smiles and laughs every step he takes. Now hes trying to run tho so he gets mad when he falls. Hes also taking swimming and hes doing really well. The studio officially opened September 29 (1st wk of October) and it looks GREAT if I do say so myself! Im a little upset with Tmobile since my sidekick completely stopped working and after 45mins they asked me how old my SIM card was. I said ummmm over 2yrs...they proceeded to say "Maam, ure supposed to change out ur sim card every 6mos to 2yrs, thats why its not connecting to the tower!". Im pissed...did any1 else know that or am I just slow??? So basically Ive upset a few ppl I was supposed to meet up with because I had no way to contact them and I left the business phone at the office. On a sad note, I feel like a horrible Doggymommy because I dropped my minipom and he hurt himself. Hes doing better but hes still a little disoriented. Hes running and playing but you can tell hes still in some pain so Ive been trying to show him a lil more love lately than I usually do. Thats about it so Im outtie!!! Hollerrrrr!

Theres no me without you...

2008-09-21T00:20:00.009-04:00

OMG is that not the BEST line ever in a movie! Sorry I just finished watching a DVD called "A Good Man Is Hard To Find". It reminds me of a Tyler Perry movie. It was really good. Yes, im into those type of movies. I like the messages and it gives you a feeling of hope or just makes you all bubbly inside at the end. Ha! Anyways, a lil update on what Ive been up to the past few weeks besides the studio. I chilled with my girls (yes girls...shocking I know since I dont have a lot of chick friends) and we had a ball. We went to the Cheesecake Factory in Orlando and sent the guy back so many times I thought he was gonna spit in our food and drinks but FYI the lemonade was spoiled! It was so gross! We also packed up my car and spent a night on the town (city) in Tampa for the weekend and had the best time ever! Did yall know Splitsville had Sushi??? It was sooooooo good. Dont sleep on Splitsville it was great! They did piss us off tho when they said we couldnt bring our Wet Willies cups inside but every1 was walkin by us with kegs...okay im exaggerating but they had beer and other mixed drinks. I guess since our cups said Wet Willies that was a problem so we just poured them in a clear plastic cup and kept it movin. Needless to say it was a memorable night that ended with some hair pulling...yea...i wont elaborate...just notice im not driving...but we're in my car. lolol. Enough said!

Hmmmm what else.....What did the apple say to the orange? Hello....hahahahaha some1 told me that a while ago and i was rolling because it was so dumb lolol. omg im laughing by myself rt now...hahahahaha! Anyways, my lil boy is really close to walking. He stands on his own and takes 1 step then plops on the floor. Its hilarious. Besides him drooling in my mouth (gross) and throwing up on my sofa (double gross) hes my life! I love him more than i love myself! Now moving on to today...
Can we say FAMU FAMU FAM got Damn U alright alright alright! We straight up kicked Howards ass today! It was 41-6 at halftime! So sad! lolol. I had to leave some1 a post about it earlier but Im sure he wont write back. Its okay, i understand its embarrassing lolol. Just kidding D.O. Well, thats all for now. I had some funny stories but I cant remember them right now. Im trynna get up in the morning for Church so Imma cut it short! Till later! Hollerrrrr!

I know Im Behind Already

2008-09-19T00:22:00.003-04:00

Okay Okay Okay... I know Im weeks behind but just to give u an update on my life. Ive been really working hard on getting this dance studio ready. Its coming together beautifully and Im extremely excited. The final part and main part which is the dance floor comes in on Monday. Im sooooo anxious to see it put together. Its a state of the art Sprung Dance Floor so its gonna be siiicccckkkk! The Ballet Barres came in finally so ive been putting those together and all the marketing memorabilia such as the pens, water bottles, shirts and hoodies (yes hoodies in FL but it gets cold sometimes ppl) are here! We had our photoshoot also so Ill be posting those pics soon also. Ive been getting quite a few phone inquiries about the studio too so Im happy about that. I dont expect all 22 classes to fill up in the 1st few months but hopefully by the end of the year Ill be breaking even. It honestly brings tears to my eyes because this studio is a life long dream of mine and its finally coming true. I have my own business, a dream business and its 100% MINE!!!!! Sole owner! Diversity Dance Company, LLC! Woop Woop On a side note...
Braylon is 10 months old and hes a complete ham! I love him soooo much! Thats my life! Our life! Things are better and God is Good so Yaaaay God! I know this isnt much for a blog but at least you know Im still here! I promise to write more before Monday. Im sure Ill have quite a few funny stories to catch u up on! Till later...Hollerrrrrrrr!

Vice President Who???

2008-09-04T01:30:00.002-04:00

Okay seriously,
I didnt wanna have to do this but I have to. Is it me or is McCain and his whole party full of it? Ive been watching the Republican Natl Convention merely for sh!ts and giggles and thats exactly what I got. Every speaker theyve had has yet to say what they want to do, or how theyre going to do it. Its always bashing Obamas campaign and even his family...I thought that subject was off limits? What made me write this post was Sarah Palin...I thought her speech was absolutely ridiculous. It was like she was kissing his ass. She never once mentioned what she was going to do, or how she would try to help McCain. Sooo exactly what is she supposed to be bringing to the table? All I saw and heard was either negativity or her giving all McCains accolades. Well, she was also talking about her family a lot but again WHO IS SHE? Who is Sarah Palin? I want to know about her! Regardless if Im voting Republican or not, I still want to know what SHE PLANS TO DO OR HER ADVICE TO OUR FUTURE PRESIDENT WHO IS NOW 72! If you listen to her speech again, you'll notice what I mean. Its crazy. So she was in the PTA and a Soccer Mom...SO! What I also found hilarious was how fake the reactions were...you could even see the panel being told "kiss the baby", "smile", "look serious", "stand up". Wow! Im not gonna blog about this too long but my last comment is on how monkey see monkey do McCain is. Everything Barack does, well, he does it too. This is so sad. If America really votes that man into office, we are going into a National Depression. This man thinks its the poor people fault theyre living in poverty. But like Obama said "What boots?". lolol Im out, Ill Holla!

The Itsy Bitsy Spider...

2008-09-02T03:40:00.004-04:00

Okay...sooooo I dont like bugs! I think theyre ugly and their eyes just look like theyre out to get me. When I was younger and dumb I used to play with them...Id catch Dragonflies, let those big grasshoppers crawl on my arm, I had an ant farm, and I even saved the life of a baby lizard by pumping its stomach with one of those little air compressor things with the tiny lil tube on it. NOW?! Lets just say a lot has changed. That being said...welcome to my day....
First it started out fairly well, I woke up at 11:20AM due to a phone call reminding me I had to be at the Bridal Store by noon (I made it), we went to lunch at Cheesecake Factory (I treated), and then I headed to my new home...the Dance Studio. As I walked in I realized Id left the air on really low and it was freezing. So, I walked to the back and I turned the air up. When I turned around I swear I almost fainted. It was the biggest SPIDER I have EVER seen in my LIFE! It looked like a Dinosaur Spider. When I tell you I almost killed myself trynna get around that thing. I jumped over the ladder and fell into the pile of empty boxes. I then proceeded to knock over the ladder the painters left standing and tipped over a bucket of paint colored water. After that I ran so fast down that room you'd think I was Usain Bolt! As if that wasnt enough, when I walked back down the room with a piece of plywood to smash the life out of it, I couldnt find it. So basically that means theres a big ass spider in my studio that is probably laughing its ugly eyes off at me waiting for its next big chance to embarrass me. Please believe however, when I go in tomorrow I taking 3 bombers to make sure it and all its babies are gone! I know I sound so awful right now but between spiders and roaches I DONT DO THEM!

On a good note, the Graffiti Artist came in and started on the Black Wall. It looks soooooo good OMG! Im soooo excited! I order an air dancer to place outside the studio also (you know those taaaalllll air people that flail their arms in the air). Other than that Im just organizing all the classes and waiting on all the big stuff to come in like the rest of the furniture for the waiting area and student area, the barres for the wall (yes its spelled barres, im not slow), and of course the dance floor. I still have a few things to do on the paperwork side but for the most part I think I can finally breathe.

Braylon update: Hes trying so hard to walk. He can stand by himself for about 5-10 seconds depending on his stance and hes clapping a lot. Hes also loving the fact that he can shake his head no and actually realize what it means. Im loving being a mom. I never knew Id be able to do all this and take care of a baby, so Im pretty proud of myself. All he does is laugh, smile, talk and play. Hes actually easy to take care of so Ive been blessed with an angel. People keep telling me hes like that because Im a good mom and for some reason I always get teary eyed when I hear that because I want him to be proud of me. Not a day goes by I dont thank God for him. Thats my life! Hes my soul and until I have a ring on my finger and a Husband...he's my everything....and even still I may give my hubby about 10 percent lolol just kidding! Till later...Ill holla!

P.S.
Keep the Hurricane Victims in your prayers!

CLUBBIN...

2008-09-01T03:03:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I must admit...I looked sooooo good 2nite it should be illegal. I was jealous of myself. I know that may sound cocky but if you had seen me...oooooweeeee it was SICK! I meant to take a picture but everytime I was about to I ended up doing something else. By the time I got out of the club my hair sweated out and I was a lil tipsy. Therefore, it wouldnt have been a fierce picture, but trust me, I looked HOT! I almost tried to holla at myself when I looked in the mirror. hahahahaha, Well, Im extremely tired and I have to let the Graffiti artist in the Studio sometime tomorrow so Im gonna call it a night! I see a lot of you are reading my blog and I appreciate it. I got the idea from a few friends who thought it would be a great way for me to release but I didnt know Id get almost 250 hits in 3 days! Thanks for the love even tho yall dont leave comments lolol. Ive noticed a few interesting people on blogspot also. Its good to see so many career oriented and goal driven individuals. I enjoy reading their blogs as they reach certain milestones. It gives our generation hope! Till later, Ill holla!

Something Illegal...

2008-08-31T00:28:00.004-04:00

Well today was eventful...it started out normal. I woke up, went to a few stores to buy some things for the studio, and once I arrived I got to work. I put the glass top on the reception desk, I put together a chair and I tried to organize a few things. Its definitely coming along. Ill put up some pictures later on....Now moving on...around 615 I turned into sneak mode. Our Holyland Show has been selling out the past 2 months and since they turned away 700 ppl last night I told my girl she needed ot get there early. Black ppl early is 15 minutes....that doesnt work. The show starts at 715 and at 630 they were turning all the cars coming into the park away. Our call time was 615 so by the time I realized she wasnt there Id already pulled in. Sooooo I had to come up with an excuse to leave the park and come back. I said I forgot my costume next door...lolol yea...anyways, I told her to pull around back and jump in my trunk. She thought I was kidding till she saw I wasnt laughing. So she jumped in, I told her to put a blanket over herself and act normal but dont move<---kind of an oxymoron I know. Well to make a long story short she got in the show thru the side door we dancers come in and all was well. Afterwards we decided we wanted some Blue Crabs and went to The Crab Stop. Theyre pretty good just really small. After a few hours in the Studio and Braylon coming home, we finally got back to my place to chow down. She wanted Garlic Crabs but I got Old Bay since I have to talk to people tomorrow. hahaha. Well, thats all for tonight. Im soooo sleepy my eye is twitching so "Ill Holla!".

OK SERIOUSLY!

2008-08-30T03:35:00.004-04:00

Its 335AM...I just got a phone call from one of my girlfriends...convo went like this:
Friend: Hey girl, what you doin?
Me: Ummm I was sleep!
Friend: Oh, so what you doin up now?
Me: Seriously?
Friend: Huh?
Me: Are you drunk?
Friend: Nah, Im just tipsy...errrbody in the club gettin tipsy
(yes, she actually started singing the song)
Me: Woooow! Ummm sooo Im gonna go now.
Friend: Did you go out tonight?
Me: No, I had a long day...
Friend: Oh I had Sonic Burger
(I was thinking WTF)
Me: oookaaaay....ummm are you home sweetheart?
Friend: Im sittin on the curb watching the stars fly by.
(I couldnt help it I started laughing)
Me: Who are you with and why are you on the curb.
Friend: I was driving and you called me.
Me: I didnt call u.
Friend: The time to go upstairs is now!
Me: Huh?
Friend: My clothes went swimming.
(I didnt say anything for a few seconds while I got my thoughts together since I was still half sleep)
Me: What do you mean your clothes went swimming?
Friend: Im naked cuz my clothes hurt.
Me: Where are you?
Friend: Goodnite to you too...

Now I attempted to call her back about 3 times then I ended up calling 3 more ppl to see if they went out with her. Apparently she jumped out the car at a red light and started running. She proceeded to take her clothes off screaming "Ure horrible"<---dont ask, and then sat down on the curb hugging a lightpost.

Moral of the story is...
If youre gonna get drunk, stay at home and do it. Dont get drunk at a club and look all crazy and unattractive nor should you put your friends in a position to where they have to chase ur naked butt down the street and attempt to force you off a lightpost.

Not one of my best funny stories but this one gets a 6 out of 10.

P.S.
What did 1 deaf/blind person say to the other deaf/blind person???
They dont know either!<--- I made that up...dont hate! lol

As the World Turns.....

2008-08-28T21:02:00.005-04:00

Well, its 124AM and I JUST finished my day! I edited my last post because I realized it was maybe a bit of TMI if you know what I mean. I enjoy blogging and writing but I have to learn how to just let things go that I can not change. The past two days have been really hectic. Ive had soooo much to do in so little time. On a good note the Studio is 90% painted and the graffiti artist comes in Sunday night to start on the black wall. Its gonna look sooooo good! Off to random land...is it bad to eat a pickled hot sausage, cheetos puff, some grapes and cherries, with a Fanta Strawberry Soda right now??? Im gonna let some loose tonight...hopefully they wont be too bad to where they wake me out of my sleep lolol. Okay im back..... I got a lot of stuff done the past 2 days... I put a reception desk together all by myself from scratch (i look cute with my toolbelt on and my hair in a ponytail with sweats on), I purchased all the business supplies from Office Depot, took my girl out to lunch for her birthday and I did my show at Holyland. Loooong day but I got through ok. Can u believe they turned over 700 people away from our show tonight??? CRAZY! On a good note, since the last post (before I edited it) was a little ventful, Now on a political note...DID YOU SEE BARACK OBAMA LAST NIGHT! OMG IM SO CRUNK! He Sooooo needs to win! BUT THEN DID YOU SEE THAT MCCAIN DUDE? Hes dumb, Im sorry. How obvious could he be! We allllll knew he was gonna do that! If Barack had chosen Hillary he wouldve chosen a black man! Duuuuh! But like my good friend said "You cant put another woman in Hillary's pantsuit and expect to get those votes!". We ALLLLL need to be registered and we ALL need to actually take the time out to go to the polls and VOTE! Dont just register so you get a free keychain or a ticket to a concert by P. Diddy (even tho that sounds cool) lolol. Just DO IT! We need a change! Our America is in a recession and its just gonna get worse! Much worse! I cant stand to see so much poverty among us due to job loss and the "Rich People" not caring. Yes, its no secret I have a lil change but thats not the point! Look at what im doing! Im giving back! We all need to do that by changing the face of the White House. With that Im OUTTIE! Hollerrrrr! Shout out to T.G. I know youre stalking me lolol just kidding! BUt I know youre reading! Peeeeaaaccceeee!

Oh Sweet Day

2008-08-28T03:55:00.003-04:00

Ths is my 1st blog on here but Im gonna just dive on in......lets see...hmmm...okay....Well, its 3:55AM and for some reason Im still wide awake. I think my body clock is off. Ive been up since 10AM working on all this studio stuff. Whenever someone tells you to start your own company "its easy"...slap them! I have never been so knee deep in paperwork, marketing, and purchases in my life. But I know in the end everything will have been worth it. Braylon (my little boy) is a riot! Hes figured out that he can shake his head so hes been doing this Stevie Wonder thing thats really funny. He also thinks its fun to now spit on me while im sleeping. Dont laugh...its not funny. Imagine dreaming during your afternoon nap with your little angel laying on top of you...its quiet and youre just in total lala land then BAM! A bucket of water comes flowing over you like a waterfall....okay its not that serious but thats what it feels like when it wakes you up from a really good nap. Actually its kinda like when someone comes and wakes you up in the morning and you SWEAR theyre yelling when theyre really not...but it still makes you wanna curse. Yea, its like that....anyways...moving on. I have a loooooong day tomorrow. I have to put the final payment in for the dance floor, confirm delivery of a reception desk and chairs, buy a stereo system for the studio, buy ipods for the teachers (they better love me), get my hair done, fax some measurements sheets, go to rehearsal for Holyland (yes, I dance at Holyland and I love it! Im a Christian girl), answer the company phone as well as my personal phone...all while taking care of a 9 month old. Its really not fun being single but Im not going to rush into something thats not real or that I dont trust...that was random I know. Anyways, Continuing.....Im supposed to entertain 2 of my girlfriends who are in town this weekend starting tomorrow and I really dont know where that fits in...Ill be sure to let you know how that goes. Well this blog thing is actually a purge. I think Ill continue. Ill write more tomorrow. Itll probably be about my head spinning around like the Exorcist because Im so swamped or maybe itll be the day Braylon gets a visit. Holler!